Dirty Fractyl
Ad 2:
2002-06-30 22:23:24 (UTC)

Sit down, Brett, and tell me about your "feelings"

HAHA! As if I have any! But no, I'l let down the guise
for a short while here and tap into that whole spectrum of
emotions I do my best to ignore.

Let's see, yes, I know there have been things bothering me
lately, but how do I go about discussing them
ambiguiously. Oh, wait, we can't do that in this entry, we
have to talk about "feelings," not just post obscure
references to things occuring in my life in poetic form and
leave the rest to imagination. Damn it. I hate this
part. This is where I have to "be human."

Right, so yesterday I was sitting on my porch as I do
everyday, almost all day, and lamenting and whining about
how "nobody loves me." Yes, sitting there on that
comfortable chair, smoking cigarettes, with a full stomach
and not a worry in the world, I was just fuck1ng tormented
by the fact that "no one loves me." Oh, how bad do you
have it, Brett? You poor lost soul, you. Yes, see, even I
cannot take my emotions seriously. That can be a problem,
because before long, you're starting to "show signs of
depression," but when people ask you what is wrong, you're
not cognizantly aware that anything is amiss at all. But
yes, that eternal plight of us all, that longing to be
loved. I am not sure it's the human touch and compassion
of having a lover I miss, or if it is the emotional aspect
of believing that someone cares about your life other than
yourself. It is a nice thought, not being alone. But not
all birds fly in flocks. And if you notices, all of the
high soaring variety (eagles, hawks, condors) fly high in
the sky, soaring alone. Perhaps that is what I am destined
to do. See, here I go again with abstract analogies to
explain my "feelings." And I belabor the point that I do
not believe I really have any such feelings at all.

In fact, since there is no one ramming a cattle prod up my
ass probing me to write this, I am going to abort it now.