Lethal Tears
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2001-06-25 20:38:29 (UTC)

Smoking weed

It's funny to start this online-diary thing with such a
tpoic, becaus this isn't really the cause of me feeling
bad. Of course I can't deny it hasn't got anything to do
with it. The fact is that it's not me who's smoking weed,
but my boyfriend. Ok, it's not because I start writing
about my guy that I'm the kootchi-kootchi kinda girl, not
at al actually! But it doesn't take away the fact that
sometimes I get hurt because of him.

Fact is, my guy often tells me that if he had to choose
between drinking beer and smoking weed, he would defenitely
choose for weed, because that's just something which makes
him feel so damn good. Then I start wondeirng what choice
he would make between me and weed. I hope he will never
have to make this choice, because that would mean I'm fed
up with that smoking thing. ANd maybe at the end, I mighht
get hurt.

Anyway, today he asked whether it was ok or not that he
would go with some friends to the movies... Of course, I
said, why wouldn't it be? But note that I am all alone
without him, I practically lost all my friends. But then
again what the hell can I do? I can't tell him not to go
and to stay with me, right? These things happen often with
us. It's never clear whether you really like what the
other is saying or doing, because the other always says
it's ok for him/her. This way of doing hurts from time to
time, I hope it won't kill us. Maybe i don't anything
against the fact that he goes out with some friends, maybe
it's just the fact that I know he will smoke weed and that
if I would need him that he won't be there for me, like he
would in normal situations. This happened last sunday (i
think, i'm not sure anymore). I called him because I
didn't feel quite well, I was worrying and stuff anyway I
could've used some moral suppor or someting, but he had
been blowing so he wasn't there with his mind. I noticed
but I didn't say anything untill he told me the next day.
Then I was again a bit hurt, it's like, his weed is more
important then when his girl feels bad.

Then again, I should go with the flow and just hope it will
last for as long as possible or not...
Is it me or is it weed?

I guess there are some things in life we will never know.