OneGurlArmy

love and sex and miss-matched socks
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2002-06-30 06:12:53 (UTC)

Family ties... not so family like

I am not sure if I ever updated on my mothers situation.
She is out of jail. Got out on bail. Shes free for 3 weeks,
when her pre-trial comes. I am sure she will get it
postponed, and postponed, and so on, and so on. Then she
will end up with a clean slate, and 30 days in the mental
institute, or out-patient care. This is how it always
works.

I have been reluctant to speak to her since the last
incident. With her holding a knife to Mandys throat. When
she calls, and acts civil, I try to do that same. She
called last night. We spoke decently.

And my brother is out of jail, too. Has been so for a few
months now. Has a job, his own car, money, life back
together again.

On the phone, mother asked me if I would be interested in
visiting. To be able to see them while both are out of
jail. Sounds like a good idea, but i'm not ready to see
her, and she cant understand. She still hasnt appologized,
or even tried to sympathize. She won't ever. Its not in her
nature. Im her mind, I am the wrong one. And she will never
give up her position as the supior being. Just to get her
off my back, I agreed to think about visiting.

Brother called me today. Told me, as bad as he wants to see
me again, he doesnt want me to come up now. She is playing
games. She told him a lot of stuff I had said, that I didnt
say. She is trying to get him to dislike me. But keep me
thinking that everything is fine. So that when I come up to
visit, me and him will argue a lot, and in the end, she
will be the one that saves me. I wish she wasnt so smart,
but I am so glad she isnt any smarter.

Of course Brother knows I wouldnt say things, whatever
things she says I said. And I dont think my mother knows
that my brother and I talk. If she did, it wouldnt make
sense for her to tell him so many lies about me.

Anyways... he swears up and down she has something planed.
I wasnt going to go up to visit. Because I cant stand the
site of my mother. Because of the flash backs I get of her
when someone else touches me the wrong way.

Brother said I just need to trust him. Dont come up. He
knows more than I. There is something he will not tell me.
In a way I am glad I do not know. I am glad I have him
there to shelter me and direct me, and not let me fail.

Sometimes I wish I had a normal family. The people I live
with are japanese, and i stick out like a sore thumb. My
birth father is a dead-beat bum. My mother is an ex-
convict, along with my brother.

The only person I have to count on is myself. But, if
anything in my life were different, I wouldnt be the same
ME as I am now. And I like myself. So I am glad things are
the way they are.

~~~

I dont think I let you all know yet. I got my classes
scheduled for the fall term. And also got accepted for the
Life scholarship. I get all classes totally free and $300
back. For the first 2 semesters of the 1st 2 years I spend
here in SC.

awesome, eh?


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