My Diary
2002-06-30 03:46:59 (UTC)

A Week in My Life......

So, here i am, writing again, i need to do this more,
makes me feel better...then i can let total strangers read
how i feel instead of telling the ppl around me, doesn't
make much sense, but maybe complete strangers are the ones
who will really care and listen. Anyways...so, this week, i
didn't have to work sunday, and my dad was real sick again
at the hospital, so my mom went over there and stayed, and
i snuck to go see chris again, lol, it was cool, we had a
lot of fun. He showed me the most beautiful thing i've ever
seen in my life when i went up there sunday night, he took
me to what they call 'the tower' where he lives, and when
you get up there, it's on top of a hill, you can see
everything for like hundreds of miles, he said you can see
like 9 different states from the tower, and it was so
beautiful, it being night time and all, it was so great to
have the wind blowing and him holding me and kissing me
that high in the air, where it felt like the whole world
could see, it was just so beautiful, the most beautiful
thing that has happened to me in my lifetime by far. They
sent my dad back to charlottesville the next night, monday
that is, and i had to work, but i was gonna go see chris
later on after i went home first, but turned out, on the
way home from work, started the worst rain storm i've ever
seen in my life, i couldnt' see to drive, and well, i
wrecked, real bad, it was so scary, i lost control of the
car in the water, it started turnign one way, i jerked it
back the other way, and then when i did that i did a
doughnut in the road and the driver's side hit real hard
into the guard-rail. I got whip-lash, luckily that was all,
i didn't call teh police or n e thing, i wasnt' bout to get
a ticket, i was scared tho, my parents weren't home, my sis
was in the bed, and chris was out, i had no one to talk to.
It was so aweful, it tore my car up pretty bad, sucked too
cause it looked so nice before that, but we're gonna get it
fixed soon, it still runs like it is right now, but it just
looks like shit. Turns out Chris got three tickets the same
night thought, so we were both shit outta luck on that
night, he got a speeding ticket, no driver's licence ticket
and a no seat belt ticket. I'm just glad he didn't wreck,
and he's just glad that i'm okay, i coulda went over the
hill and died, or i coulda hit the concrete median in the
middle of the road on the other side and flipped, it's
really upsetting to think waht coulda happened, i thank god
everyday just for being in the car with me and keeping me
safe, cause i honestly coulda been killed in that wreck.
Something like that really makes you appreciate life a
little more than you did before. But i was still upset
tuesday and my parents weren't back yet so i decided to go
see chris, cause i knew seeing him again would make my
tears go straight to a big smile on my face, and it did.
Even though my neck hurt like hell, and i felt like shit,
he made me feel beautiful, and made the whole situation
seem a little bit better. The rest of my week up until
yesterday was like snooze central. Yesterday, i got a
freakingly weird e-mail from one of my ex-bf's telling me
he couldnt' stop thinking of me and he thought i was
perfect in everything i said and that he thought i was
beautiful, and the thing is, he knows i have a bf and that
that really freaks me out when he does stuff like that,
he's just trying to cause problems, and well, see, i've
been tryign to be his friend, but today, when i was leaving
to go to lunch from work, he pulled into where i work, and
i was like, what r u doin here, and he said, i knew you
worked here and so now i do too, it sucks, i feel like he's
stalking me, it really makes me feel uncomfortable, all day
today he'd wink at me, or send me notes saying stuff
like 'you're sexy', and that just makes me uncomfortable, i
have a b/f, and i dont need him cause problems between us,
we have enough to deal w/ as it is. I dont know what to do,
i dont want to quit work cause of him, even tho the job can
suck at times, but i make good money, and i need to find
some way to MAKE him understand that i JUST want to be
FRIENDS and NOTHING more, but i've tried everyway i know
how. I might ahve to end up quitting, i might work at wal-
mart or sumwhere, just as long as it's away from him. The
job can get a little maddening sometimes n e ways, where
all we do is sit and take phone surveys everyday for like 8
hours, i've found myself going home and rereading the
numbers back to myself in my head, it's aweful, lol. Makes
me feel like i'm going crazy. N E ways, Chris,
understandibly, wants to kill Michael now, they've always
hated one another, but Michael's taken it too far this
time, he'll get what he deserves though, i really believe
that, and i hope so at least. i know that sounds bad to
say, but he just gets to me too easily. I love chris, and
he needs to understand taht and that he can't come between
me and chris, ever, that our love is too strong, and he
needs to just give up already. No one can come between me
and chris, i honestly know that now......no matter what
anyone tries, it's meant for us to be together......