jenabean

Jena's Rants
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2001-06-25 15:26:33 (UTC)

this is what matters

When i stood on the soapbox they laid down their weapons,
and a battle of minds ensued......
i made the plan and laid the foundation for this act of
liberation. why was my name forgotten on the memorial
plaque? does it matter? no, for it is of no consequence
to you or i....
can anyone fade into this particle beam, for it is just
potent emotion. really? no there is no real - just what
my mind creates. do you know the god i saw was really
myself. i was afraid of myself, because i knew i was
capable of both. both is good in balance and temeperance,
but i was extreme. this is the cause of my illness
here in this fantasy i invented. did you know this?
of course you did - i invented you also.
will i ever leave? probably not, for then i would lose all
that i have found in myself.
oh yes, i know that there is something important i must do,
but you see i will not be number one.
which is okay, but i will cease to breath for nothing
it will not win either way, even if it comes to be, it will
be lost again.
and isn't that insanity - doing the same thing over and
over and over and over and over, oh and expecting a
different result
i want to be the different result.

this is an act of defiance, and now i wage
war with you.
no, that would be war with myself.
but those are the wars i fight best.
those are the only wars you have fought....
i know, but i enjoy being the victor
oh and i am the masochist as well.
this is what i tried to explain before.
no one will believe you, but you say that does not matter
that is true, and i am your false prophet
so what is the answer?
who said there needed to be an answer?
i spite myself when i speak of the turmoil,
for i enjoy making it and despise resolving it.
i am the oxymoron par excellence.
and what are you?
your conscience.


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