The Muffin Man

My Favorite Courdaroys
2002-06-29 18:05:23 (UTC)

Masqurades and funny faces

When did my life become so fucked up. Im so confused right
now. I dont even know myself anymore. I really was happy
with trika. I cant lie about it. She made me happy. I
somehow fucked things up. Now Patti and I are going out.
I really hope I'm not rushing things. 'I tried to laugh
about it, cover it up with lies, i tried to laugh about it
hiding the tears in my eyes.' Yeah what the hell do I
know. I never get what I want but Im used to it. Or maybe
its I usally get what I want but its not what I really
want. Why am I putting on a masqurade hiding how I really
feel? Cause its all I can do. Keep on laughing hiding how
I really feel. People know Im not over trika. But I
really need to pull my self out of this depression. And I
have this sinking feeling Im really messing things up with
wasson by going out with patti. At least I'm sleeping
again? I seemed more alert when I didn't. LOL. Anyone
got any insightful information about getting over someone
you truly loved with all you heart.

"This song is for all the suckers who still believe in
love, this ones for you." Ha love what a crock of shit.
Who needs it. The broken hearted, the ones who have
nothing else to lose, those who are so down they dont know
what to do with their life. So yeah pretty much someone
like me. But I dont believe in love anymore. Trika got
that out of my system. Love SUCKS. I dont want anything
to do with it. Ill beat it off with a stick or something.
Does anyone sell stuff that makes people fall out of love
with you?

Wee its offical. Im depressed again. Woo hoo. Thought I
had licked it but gahhhhh. Now I have to be nice to people
again. I cant suclude myself from society cause i have the
excuse my girlfriend is 1,333 miles away and Im suppose to
talk to her. I have to participate in society besides my
job. Whoop de freaking do. Lifes a drag man. I dont wanna
deal with it. This is fucking gay. Why isnt anyone on to
talk to. Damn work. Thats why no ones on. *SIGH* Ive
reached my all time low again.

Patti is a very reserved girl. Im going to have to wait
along time to get the type of kiss I got from trika. Patti
will only do the quick see ya later kiss. *sigh* Oh well.
Its a start?

I dont wanna pretend Im happy anymore. Being happy sucks.
You have to smile and act all happy. Should I stop
believing in happiness too? Probably not but the sinic in
me is coming forth. Ive also got a lot of animosity pent
up inside me. I really feel like im being torn apart. I
now its pathetic but I want the one thing I cant have...
Trika. Go figure. Oh well. It was funny... kinda. Jason
and I were in hot topics, we were looking at the jewlery, I
like just not even thinking grabbed the dog collar then put
it back right quick cause it reminded me of trika, then i
was like i havent worn my necklace since me and tricia
borke up, and jason was like I dont blame you, I would of
put all the stuff I got from her in a box if i were you,
and Im like yeah I already did, and hes like with my
experince with girls they cut you out of all the pictures
and then take all the stuff you gave them and burn it. I
know shes not gonna burn everything but it was just wierd I

This is really long. Nobody probably cares about my self
loathing right now. So im gonna let you people be well I
wallow in my misery.

Thanks for listening.


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