gsalisbu

Charles
2002-06-27 19:28:14 (UTC)

Update - Long time coming

Dear Diary,

How cliched does that sound? I feel like I am writing the
voiceover or narraration to some movie or after school
special or something of that sort. Anyhow, I figured it
was time to try and get some things off of my chest for
once and see if maybe this could help me on my way to
recovery.

Yesterday I started talking to a wonderful girl named
Anita. I had noticed her online the day before but had
decided not to say anything as it was getting late and I
wanted to get some things the next day. But then I
noticed her online yesterday and so I figured that I would
say hey! We started chatting and hit it off pretty good,
got along, had some of the same interests and the like,
with that bit of sarcasm mixed into everything that comes
seething through my personality. I sent her my FTJ link
and she looked and seemed to be ok with it and we talked
some more and I offered to get her some juice and bring it
down, half as a joke, half for real. She accepted, and so
a few hours later I popped up at her house kind of
surprising her I think, since I called her from outside
her house. That problably freaked her out, like I'm some
stalker man or something. She answered the door, and I
came in and we sat on the couch and talked for a while,
then her mom and sister came home and that was very
interesting in fact, they seemed nice, better than alot of
the people I have met in my day. I ate dinner there, and
then her friend popped over and was there for most of the
rest of the time. We watched thirteen ghosts together,
which didn't seem like a half bad movie to me. I kissed
her during the movie a few times, even started half making
out for a minute. But it felt like more than making out,
for some reason I felt like I could trust her and that I
didn't have anything that I had to worry about. I felt
connected to her. That feeling that you get when you kiss
someone and you feel the electricity surge through you,
and the only thing that you can think about is the next
moment that you can do it again. You become totally
infatuated with that moment and regaining that again. The
movie finished and then it was time to go, so we went
outside and talked for a minute on the steps, and made out
for a little bit, and then it was time to go. I felt sad
but happy at the same time when I had to leave, sad
because I didn't want to go, but happy because I felt like
I had met someone very very special. I care about and
think about her alot, which partially scares me because
how fast I'm doing it. I haven't cared about someone that
much that fast since C, and we know how well that turned
out. I can't help but see the parallels between when I
first met C and Anita, such anxiousness and nervousness,
mixed with a relief and a comfortability. I loved holding
her, I can't even remember the last time that I did that
to someone and felt safe, felt that nothing in the world
could harm me at that precise moment. I had thought about
letting her read this, but she would problably think I was
a nut, or a psychopath, and we know that both of those are
true, har har har. Well, thats enough of that for now, so
I will check you out later!

P.S. What is below is a feeble attempt that I made to get
C back, something that I will never do again, as it pains
me to even read it.