Lost and Searching
2002-06-27 03:07:16 (UTC)

Why do things get messed up

Okay, its harvest time here around my house and on the
farm...I haven't or won't be able to help out this year b/c
of all the dust and shit like that, so instead of missing
out of it and sulking at home, i picked up a 12 day shift
at the pool to keep myself busy and out of the dust, kinda
sucks, but damn if my i don't look good in a

my dad worrys the most about me worrying myself out, mainly
b/c i have been having the baby heather at night and when
she wakes up i wake up with her and he thinks that it was
caausing me to miss out on my sleep, i am not telling him
that i have only had one relaspe,that sent me to bed early
and man my chest ached...

But anyways back to why i am writting tonight...the last
couple of nights the damn nightmares have been haunting me
again...i am kinda sure what brought them on this time but
not totally a hundred percent sure....
you see, my first boyfriend of two years....
now poor wayne, i broke him in, in a couple of
ways...heheh, he got his first blow job from me, and kiss,
and fighting, boy did we fight like cats and dogs, but
making up was always fun.....i really don't know how we
ended up getting hooked up b/c he was really quiet and i
was the outgoing one...but i guess that when they say
opposites attract boy do they mean it....well it ended when
i went away to school, but we still remained really good
friends.....and when things got tough or sticky back home
he would call me, and we would talk it out, yes we still
would have our fights, but a couple of months later he
would eventually apologize and then we would get back to
normal, whatever that may after i lost my
virginity i called him a couple of nights later to see what
he was doing, and i had asked him if the next time i saw
him can i rape him...he told me to give him a call the
coming friday night,and i told him i would after our
softball anyways friday came, and after the
game i gave him a call,and he kept hanging up on me, why i
don't a couple of days later i called him up and
asked him if he was still angry at me, he said yes so this
time i hung up on him, yes i know it was childish but damn
if i didn't want him to see the hurt it was causing me...
so then finally last week i called and asked him what did i
do this time for him to keep hanging up on me..and he told
me i was mean lady...and while i was thinking of a response
to that he hung up on me.......

to be continued