Dirty Fractyl
2002-06-26 16:53:20 (UTC)

Playing my Role

That's all I do, act a role. I never get nominated for any
oscars, or such awards, because it is expected of me to
play this role, of the sane well-adjusted 21 year old that
wants the same thing as all other kids his age.

But I don't.

I don't really care if I ever fall in love again. It does
not really matter if I have any true friends; everyone
knows the edited version of who I am. And I'm more than
content to keep it that way. Everytime I allow myself to
experience feelings of closeness with anyone, I eventually
become agitated that each particular element of that
relationship cannot embody my perception of it, and I
choose (consciously or subconsciously) to destroy the
relationship accordingly.

It's a vicious cycle that does not seem to end. Worse yet,
I do not think I care if it does.