Fish 'n Chips
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2001-06-23 19:34:55 (UTC)

-*Lesbianic* Confusion*-

Music: None
Random Thought: I wonder if they're ever going to make
another Jetson's movie. I sure hope so.

So I find out yesterday that my good friend Ginelle, is
bisexual. And that is perfectly okay with me, because so am
I. I also find out that she has liked me, and I too, have
liked her in the past. We talked about stuff until like 7
o'clock this morning, it felt good. I don't have anyone to
talk to about that kind of stuff because....sadly, I'm
somewhat ashamed of my "sexual orientation". A long, long
tiem ago, I was ashamed because of the fear of being made
fun of for the rest of my life. Now, I don't care about
that. If people are going to be so narrow-minded, then the
hell with them. Now it's sort of that I'm ashamed because
of girls like Jen Ghearing. She's the kind of girl who
tells everyone she is bi to get attention. Attention from
guys mostly. I hate it. It's like...trendy to be bi these
days. What the fuck is that? How are you going to claim to
be bisexual so you can get attention. It makes me ill. And
you know what else I hate? Those stupid fucking people who
say "Hey, are you still bi?" No. I'm not. I woke up one
morning and said "I'm not going to be bi from now on". UGH.
What is wrong with people? If you're bisexual, you-are-
bisexual. You can tell yourself and everyone else that you
aren't, but you are. So yes. Anyhow...back to Ginelle. She
has this girlfriend that I hate. I'm jealous of her. Very
jealous. So now I hate her even more. I've liked Ginelle
and kept it inside for about a year. Now that I look back
on it, it's not fair. Whenever we were at somebody's house,
I always got to sleep next to her. And if she liked me, and
I liked her....grrr. Oh well.

I asked her if she ever thought about kissing me (heh) and
then I changed my mind and said "AHH I'm sorry. That's
horrible" and she reassured me that it wasn't horrible, and
that she still thought about it now. That makes me feel
special. She said we'd do something next time she came to
WC. Hopefully we will actually go through with it. We
always make plans and never end up hanging out.

...Should I feel this way about her? I mean...I'm with Tom.
and I have been for 8 months. And I've been in love with
him for like 10. That's a long time for me. I don't want to
lose him, and I'm afraid it will happen over something
stupid. I'm afraid I will get piss drunk and end up kissing
Ginelle and becoming attached or something. Ah. I don't
know what to do. I just hope I don't end up hurting Tom.
Like I always do.