Helen

The Good The Bad & The Ugly
2001-06-23 17:39:55 (UTC)

Walking Blindly

Alot of times I wonder am I doing this Living thing right...
I mean all of our life you have somebody telling you how to
live, how to act, how to be a good mother, sister, daughter
and wife, how to treat others... If you don't do this or
you do that you wont get into heaven... That's what
worries me the most... Not getting into heaven... I'm not
perfect... Far from being any saint... I try to do right,
I really do, But it's so hard... I lost my mom six months
ago... She was the first person in my life that I lost,
what I mean to say is the first closest person, and I know
she's in heaven... I just wanna make sure I get there to
so that I might see her again... I miss her more than I
thought I ever would... The pain of missing her can never
be described in mere words... And it never goes away....
My mom drowned... It was a accident... She was only 51...
Not only did she die but her live-in-boyfriend of over 7
years also drowned.. And our family dog was put to sleep
excactly one week before... I tried to be a good girl and a
good person and mother... I tried to make the right
choices... Still I loose the closest thing to me... What
did I do wrong, is what I wonder about... Is this a
punishment to me??? Where did I make a wrong turn?? It just
goes to show you even though you can see you don't really
know where your going what the outcome will be or where
your going to end up... You just go on hoping that you
just make it through without slashing your own wrists...