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2002-06-25 12:30:39 (UTC)

here we go again..

So as I suspected that jellous feeling I got has dwindled
down to an ember. Alan is a sweet man but I have undecided
problems. I don't know what I want..Who I want. I miss
James..but I am enjoying this time apart. He told me when
we initialy talked that there is no in between in thi s
relationship. I am either in or out of it and he meant it.
I told him again that I needed time and he said " take all
the time you need", I haven't heard from him since. I miss
him like crazy and I wonder how he is doing, but I like
being alone..But is he the one that got away? Will he never
forgive me for this? Things happened so quickly with
us...Moving in so sudden and the wierd to love it
and then hate it. I am scared to death, what should I do?!
My daughter loves alan and doesn't care for James, but is
it because James takes more of momma's time up? Is he a bad
man? God help me!!

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