Ode to a psycho!HA!
2002-06-24 22:01:03 (UTC)

yeah, well

I had a dream last night. and I was sitting in nicks room and
we were watching tv. I was lying on the bed, and he was
sitting on the floor, and we started making small talk. he
seemed to be somewhere else. as he always seems, and I went
balistic. And I started screaming, and ranting. I got up off
of the bed and then he stood up, but he was really tall. he's
alot taller than me anyway, but he was much taller than
normal. my head was about at his waist. and I continued
yelling, and suddenly we weren't in his room anymore, and we
were in......nothingness, I guess. And I was yelling all of
the things I wish I could say to his face. GOD! you're sucha
moron! why can't you just grow up and act your age! So what?
your family is screwed up, so is mine, so is just about
everyones! that gives you no reason to ignor ME! Why can't
you be nice for a change, or be mean or SOMETHING! something
other than this perpetual nothingness that surrounds you ALL
of the time. Why can't you give me a compliment?? is that so
hard for you? We never go to the movies, you never want to
hang out, you have a phobia of saying affectionate things.
You're irrisponsible, you never call. and I have no reason to
want to be with you. And I hate myself because I do! you
don't think I want to spend time with you? I can't help
having rehearsal from 830 am to 6 pm and then YBAG from 7 to
eleven EVERYDAY! I don't want to do community service, I
don't want to go to the damned car wash! I don't want to be
with children 24/7! I don't want to have NO life because
everything I do is someone elses decision, and I can't do
anything to change that! Why can't you ............i dont
know. I started crying and hitting him, but it was like
hitting a brick wall. soon my wrists burned,and my hands were
bloody. then I woke hands were in fists and my nails
had dug into my skin. I hate...........everything