Timothy

Jack's Twisted Kingdom
2002-06-24 21:39:42 (UTC)

The Gutter Snipe...

Along the lines of tangible expectaions of having of decent
relationship with someone, I have come to the bizzare
conclusion that I am a dolt...

Why you ask...

Let me tell you my internet friend. Let me tell you...

I have high standards. Espcially when it comes to whom it
is that I am interested in. I am a Fat Fatist. That is a
person who is both overweight and doesn't look twice at
someone who is also, who is of the opposite sex.

Now I hear you going, "what an asshole", well, i will tell
you, that while I think that. I do not in fact practice it.

Oh, you're wondering what I am talking about now. "Is he a
hypocrite? I thought he despised hypocrites! LIAR!!!"

Well, not really... Just incredibly dim is the word I would
use. You see, it's not really the looks that do it, okay,
my bad, it is. When I first look at a "grrl, or woman" I am
interested in, physical attraction is the first thing I
look for in someone... My bad. But we all do it. Right?
Tell me I am wrong! I dare you. I've never met anyone ever,
who didn't look at appearance first and brains, second.

It doesn't happen. We are so brain washed by the media into
thinking that being overweight, fat, is so wrong. I mean,
look at all the TV shows that are on. You don't see many
overweight Actress', or for that matter actors, don't get
me wrong there are a few. Ron Jeremy. Ok, he's an anomaly
that I won't get into here. I don't watch porn, nor do I go
to strips clubs, I prefer the real tangible thing. In other
words, a grrl-friend. I mean, if I can't appreciate what I
have, then I don't deserve her, and I shouldn't be going
out with her in the first place. I know guys who go to the
strip clubs, and have gorgeous grrl's, waiting for them at
home. I don't get it. I'm a guy, and I don't get it. Nor am
I going to waste much thought on why either. I have much
more else to rant on about anyhow...

Okay, backing away from the tangent...

Well, aside from that. I would expect them to be open
minded, non religious, unless they are pagan or non-bible
thumping brainwashed idiots, have brown eyes, brown hair,
at least as tall as I am, and have a brain... but most
importantly, besides being warm, compassionate, funny,
loving, adorable, witty, beautiful, non-alcoholic,
druggies, NOT watch wrestling...

Heh, funny...

Not really...

In the last few weeks, months actually. I have started to
think about what it is that is really important to me in a
relationship...

I want to be loved and understood. Nothing else really
matters, not looks, not silly arguments about things that
really don't matter. I've barely had anything in common
with any woman, whom I have ever dated.

Lenora, 19, artist, poet, writer. You would think I might
have something in common. Not really, she was into
politics, economics and world causes. I am not, nor do, or
did I have a real interest in them. What brought us
together, was our love of history, and the recreationist
group we both happen to have belonged to.

Audrey, 17, teenager, skater chick. We both liked watching
movies. We both liked bad horror flicks, we both liked
making out in theatres. That was it. She was thin as a
reed, blue eyes, red hair, and she liked my teddy bear
quality. She dumped me for a skater boi who had money.

Sara, 21, mother of a 6 month old daughter, zoology major.
We were both lonely, we argued, friendly of course, about
everything. We debated until 6am in the morning. Everything
from breakfast cereals, to war, to love, to I think even a
pimple on her arm. She moved to New Orleans, I thought
about going with her, but I decided not to. She was
athletic, brown hair, green eyes. Nice.

Kristin. 17, Goth grrl, dated for almost 3 years. The one
whom I talked about most when I first started this diary.
We love anime, fantasy, and sex. It all seems so, I don't
know... But there wasn't much else there, which is why I
think it didn't work very well. Brown hair, dyed black,
brown eyes, not thin, not fat, full figured is what I would
say. I didn't, and don't care that she is overweight, it
never mattered, except to her.

Carly, 23, bartender, my first. The one whom I will never
forget. We both liked each other, our differences, our
passions, our way of thinking. I think she may have been
the first woman I ever really loved, but it was not to be,
like some bad romance novel. Brown hair, blue eyes.
Beautiful.

Megan. 18, high school cheerleader, bachalaurate. Feircly
intelligent, witty, sarcastic, shy, gentle. We dated for 3
months before she went off to germany. We still talk online
occasionally. I don't know what she saw in me. Blond and
blue eyed, 6'2". All I could ever say to her, was wow.

They were the ones who mattered to me most. The ones who in
one way or another had a impact on my life.

I don't know for sure, that I loved everyone of them. But I
certainly cared and still do care about them.

All I have to say now. Is that looks tend to color our
perceptions about who it is that we date, go out with and
have relationships with, be it sexual or otherwise.

All I know is that what I want is to be with someone, who
accepts who I am, someone with whom I can accept them. I
don't judge anyone, I never have and I never will. The past
is something we cannot change.

It's the future that I care about.

Does anyone have a future with me?

I certainly hope so....


~T~