so this is how it feels to wait for nothing.
i shall keep my ideals low as tina suggested for it might
drive me to the brink of insanity. i might free fall. tina,
i'm hungry...again! *sniff* facial diameter getting wider
each time i swallow something yummy.
- - -
a friend said, 'i met a girl who reminds me so much of you.
she's fair in complexion, has long dark hair, and talks a
bit like you. but of course she's not exactly like you.
you're more expressive than her.'
am i really expressive i wonder. it struck me that almost
everybody sees me differently. some find me friendly,
others find me anti-social. some find me nice, others find
me bitchy. some find me normal, others find me eccentric.
one thing i'm certain i am: masked. like a masked man who
lurks around this area as well.
- - -
i used to find it so difficult to conceal what i really
feel. now i find it so easy. keep my anger low, my sadness
hidden in the back of my mind. exaggerate my happiness, my
joy...and hopefully let everybody feel this happiness as
i met a mother who has undergone chemotherapy for three
years. had her talk a bit and share some of her pains. her
disease can never be cured, but it can be put to sleep for
the meantime. and that is what she is hoping and praying
christian and non-christian views oppose each other so
strongly that i wonder if there will ever be real unity and
peace between the religions.
- - -
somehow i don't feel like travelling anymore.
i can never please everybody. no matter how hard i try. i
must get that into my head.
certain issues are bugging me. perhaps i should just stay
there's so much to say. it makes me helpless.