xxxdreamyeyesxx

Friendship, realisation and betrayal. Yet again I was totally and completely wrong. Jamie - my SO CALLED friend..

Sunday 8th October 2000

I got a text message from Jamie at 4.30am today asking what
I wanted to do when I come back home for the weekend. He
then, somehow managed to twist the conversation. I think I
must have mentioned over hearing Hannah and Mark shagging
again or something coz he started being all suggestive and
making comments about coming down to Southampton and giving
me a "seeing to" He was also being really aggressive and
said:

"Bollocks, U want me just as much as I want you..."

I was really shocked. He's only a friend and although I'd
always fancied him and totally looked up to him I never
really realised what he was implying when he was being all
flirty and mucking around. I must be totally nieve but I
thought it was totally harmless and nothing could or would
EVER come of it. For God's sakes - he's been going out with
Lucy for 2 and a half years and she's one of my friends! I
mentioned that and he said:

"Life for L is simple, she loves me and I love her and we
have a great future together. That is her world. In mine,
I'm madly in lust with you, I have been since the cream
incident [when I was stacking cream in Sainsburys where we
worked and he was making comments like "I wonder what you're
like in bed... I bet you howl.. etc etc and generally making
me blush like mad :)] It doesn't change our relationship one
bit other than I can show my feelings completely. That night
in the club I could have made love to you all night. U try
to complicate things with guilt, but thats not what its all
about. Don't hate me but every part of my sexual / emotional
being wants you."

What the FUCK was I supposed to say to that? How DARE he put
me in such an awkward and embarrassing situation? And its SO
degrading. He was one of my best friends. I trusted him SO
many times for advice and support and now he expects me to
be fine with a meaningless sleezy one night stand. I really
thought he knew me, but he cant if he thinks I'd even
consider that for one second - he doesn't know me at all. I
trusted him and I really feel betrayed and hurt. I was going
to tell him about Kev and ask his advice - what a joke! I
just feel so completely nieve. It must be my fault. I sould
have seen this coming. How could I get something so totally
and completely wrong??

xxxx