i_bleed_life

The mediocrity that is me
2002-06-24 05:57:41 (UTC)

Chasing after my rainbows

I am the one who chases rainbows. Even as a child, I can
recall marveling at the myriad of colors in the sky,
wondering how something so gray could beget this colorful
stripe now painted across the dripping sky. Memories of
crayoned pictures, drawn with a child’s crude hand, come to
mind when pondering my days of childhood innocence;
pictures which always featured a rainbow, drawn with every
color in the box, bold and bright, right down the middle of
the page. Somehow, the smiles on the simple stick figures
shone brighter after the rainbow was added. I was
fascinated by the color, drawn in by the beauty, and
captured by the shape. I see a rainbow and I am in love,
uplifting music softly echoes in my head, and a camera
shutter snaps, forever making it mine as my breathing slows
to a near stop and I silently gaze out my window at the
artwork displayed in the sky.

One summer, I was traveling with my family on our annual
trip to the location of my father’s choosing. Crammed in
the backseat of “Clifford” (a less than affectionate
nickname for the large red family van), listening to my
family members bicker, and even participating in the
arguing myself, was not exactly my idea of fun. The gray
clouds we were heading into seemed to only accentuate the
general mood in the car: gloomy and gray. Soon, it began
to drizzle, miniscule rivers of raindrops cutting paths
down the windows. While many may believe this only further
added to the gloomy mood, I found my spirits lifting, as my
eyes floated across the sky searching hopefully for a hint
of color. Suddenly, I saw it. The shock of color jumped
out in front of me, singeing my eyes and dazzling my soul
with its bold red, orange, yellow, green, blue, indigo, and
violet. Straight down from the heavens it ascended, into a
field of various shades of green, so close that I felt as
if I reached forward I could have grabbed a slice of color
to take with me and keep for when it was dark. Silence
became the predominant sound, a stark contrast to the
bickering that was heard only seconds ago.

I was filled with a childlike desire to jump from the
moving vehicle and throw my entire being at this arc of
color, to chase after the mythical pot of gold that was
supposedly located at its end, to run and dance in its
beauty, to abandon all rational thought and simply chase
the rainbow and dance in the rain. However, as my soul
screamed to be set free, the vehicle I was trapped in
continued careening down the highway at seventy mph, and
the moment faded, along with the rainbow, gradually out the
back window. At that second, I promised myself that I
would never again let such an opportunity to live slip out
of my grip so easily.

There will be other rainbows and other rainy days. The sun
will rise, bringing color and warmth, and it will also set,
leaving me to contend with the darkness. However, when the
grayness comes and darkness sets in, you will not find me
sitting quietly in a corner. Me? I will be out chasing my
rainbows and dancing in the rain.




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