LittleLauren78

F**ked up life
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2002-06-24 05:02:24 (UTC)

Opening a window to vent. The life of a 16 year old girl!

The past few months of my life have been the worst ever.
Bewtween dealing with seeing my family fall apart and my
parents divorcing, seeing my best friend leave to spain as
a foreign exchange student,losing 3 boyfriends,and feeling
left out and ignored by friends and family has left me
looking at my life now and evaluation how much it could
possibly change in the future. It sucks. Today chris, the
guy who has been in my life on and off for the past 3 years
ended things with me again, in the past it has been mutual
and today it was unexpected. It hurts. I recently lost my
virginity to him and it was special, i dont want to be
rational and say that i regret it because i kno in the
future i wont but today i do. when i get depressed i curl
up with comfort food and my favorite show sex in the city,
but today it didnt help. I cooked myself a pot of pasta and
ate it while watching tv thinknig how lonley i would be
eating dinner by myself in a lonley house the rest of my
life with out someone to love me. As of now i have nothing
except my cheerleading sqaud and my close friends going for
me. I have no job,no boyfriend and no structured family to
suport me when i need them to most. I see my parents living
together 20 years and having 2 kids during that time and it
just falling apart. There goes the only relashonship i
could depend on, and kno would always be there. I miss
chris already, and it just hurts to kno that he probably
isnt thinking about me like he used to and that he might
even have anger towards me now. I dont like being alone and
i need to find a place to gain independance from. I think
im going to start with this journal.


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