ergot and the ju ju queen

antipodean delights...
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2002-06-24 03:41:41 (UTC)

not the end of an era.. just a transitioning..

Agent Blunt, I am writing this because I feel a sense of
loss, knowing that I am packing up my house, and in about
one week's time I will no longer have the unrestricted
access to you that I have enjoyed for so long. However,
don't be fooled into thinking that this is the end of an
era.. our era.. because it's not. It's merely a
transitioning during our era.

I don't think you even realise how much I have loved being
able to call you, and talk for hours. I always look forward
to the times when I can. I thoroughly enjoy my time with
you. The serious times, the (dare I say) angry times, the
sad times, the fun and mad giggling times, and every time
in between. I just really enjoy you. :) And that is one
thing I am really going to miss, is the long phone calls. I
will still be able to call you, and indeed I still will.
But the time of the 3 hour phone call, I'm afraid, have
ended. And it makes me cry.

I have decided I can't sell my computer. You're right. It's
sentimental. (this will sound corny) but it's kind of
where/how we met. And it's full of deleted and erased and
lost memories. lol But they linger inside, I have no doubt.
And i can't bring myself to part with it. So I'm going to
store it. And in the meantime, during my overseas
adventures, I shall find and use every means possible to
continue our 24 hour access to each other. :) I know I have
a phone in the apartment, and I will buy a mobile, and I
have a computer in the school, and I want to buy a laptop.
So.. we'll see. The sky's the limit, really. Location is
merely one little factor. Just think, all this time.. I've
been here in Australia.. you're way over the other side of
the world.. and did it stop us meeting? Did it impede our
journey to discovering and exploring each other? No. :) So,
why should a change in location change anything? It won't.
I'm determined and sure in that knowledge. I won't let it.

Plus, you're omnipresent, so it doesn't matter where I go,
or end up. You're with me. :)

Anyhow, I just felt the need to write about this. Despite
my feeling of certainty that nothing is going to change, I
do feel a bit panicky and afraid. It's the big unknown. And
weird though this is, I think of you as being my constant,
in this big move. So.. don't desert me sirky. I really need
you.

We are so unorthodox. What I feel for you is
unconventional. And I love it. And it confuses me at times.
And I wouldn't change it for the world. It is almost like
it's a constant.. yet it changes continually, in subtle
ways. And it both makes me feel secure and safe, and also
keeps me on my toes. It's wonderful. Because you are.

I really want to meet you. But not if it would spoil how we
are. Because how we are is really special. And you're right
about the jealousy we both feel. It tells us something
about the nature of what we have. I'm so happy we've got
each other like this. It's maddening, it's comforting, it's
exciting, it's unconventional, it's magic. :)

I have about one week, kps. Then my pc is packed away, and
I no longer have a house phone with which to enjoy long
chats with you. Please, please, can we have one more long
talk, before I leave this house, within the week? I really
really want to. I always do. You know that. You just like
to hold out and make me wait. ;) You know me too well.

This isn't the end, Blunt. It's merely the middle change
bit.

I'm scared. Sometimes I feel so sure, and I'm directing the
whole show. Then at others, I wonder what the heck I'm
doing. But.. it's all good. I needed a major change. This
is it. Although, really, only the location is changing.
Well, and everything to do with that. lol But,
essentially.. I'm still me. Still Ms Trouble. Enjoying life
as it should be enjoyed.

You asked me if I'm happy? Yes. I am. Though I'm not
content and settled. I feel up in the air. And drifting.
And I know it's all through my own choices. But I'm a bit
afraid. I do feel happy. And excited. Hopeful. Scared.
Nervous. Wanting so much.

And so, the journey continues.

As long as you're always with me. I'll be fine.

f3, lm.

juju xx


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