Visions Of Life
Im doing a bit better. I mean, I had some good sex earlier
so i cant complain too loudly. Rah. We fought all day,
well, in between shooting eachother in our video game.. He
deserved being yelled at. I deserved being yelled at since
I cut myself up really bad. The job issue is still an
argument in progress... No comment on that one.. He wouldnt
lok at me cuz i cut myself. He says its ugly and I agree...
Then he wouldnt hug me.. So i was crying hysterically in
our bedroom cuz i was scared and upset and he came and held
me till i stopped crying and told me he loved me. Then we
ate shrimp, played our video game, and somehow had good
sex. Then he got ready for work, I passed out for 20
minutes, we said I love you and here I sit, hotter then a
chinchilla in hell... Im not sure if Im happy or sad or
what. This is all so exhausting... I love him more then
anything but god fuckin damnit, he pisses me off..
Tomorrow the job search continues.. I have a doctor
appointment so I'll know if my reproductive system is
fucked or not. Then we are having a picnic and feeding the
ducks. Then we are going to SouthWest Plaza so i can use my
gift certificate. I should buy and am tempted to buy a nice
top, colored, but I know I will probally buy a matching
spike bracelet and some crazy morbid t-shirt at hot topic.
Such is life. Such is me.
Def Leppard kicks ass.
"Better to burn out than fade away"- Def Leppard
I think my dad might actually get me the car i was promiced
3 year ago. I have a car but its the principle.. Just like
money for college.. He promiced me both and damnit, I want
them both. I'll sell one car if needed.
I saw an interesting bumper sticker last night. "Wouldnt it
be glorious if schools could get the money they needed and
the Air Force had bake sales to raise money for bombers"
Think about it. Think like me. Perhaps later I'll delve
into my view on that..
I think I drank too much today. I polished off my tequila
and tequila rose. Well, one more bottle of tequila rose is
left. I need to quit drinking when upset.. I need to quit
cutting when im upset. I need to curl in a ball til the
cloud fades... I think I hould be in a hospital but I will
never go back. Im not gonna kill myself no matter how much
shit i talk about it.. Im a coward plus i kinda live with a
guy im madly in love with and kinda want to spend my life
with. killing myself would ruin that just a tad..Plus im
kinda loved by friends and family and kina need to run for
office in a few years and become president when im like
55.. Pipe dreams, I know. If I could find a job then the
tension in my household would ease up and therfor we
wouldnt fight as much. Im a bitch and he's a prick so
fighting will always happen but I can handle lil catfights.
I cant handle the job fight because my self esteem is
injured enough because Im not working. Having that reality
shoved in my face hurts so bad.
I almost got a remote thrown at me today
My demon kitty was attacking my faux sheet toga
I learned that using a condom while masterbating creates
Enough for now.. ta ta