Reality Bites
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2002-06-23 06:44:51 (UTC)

Setting myself up again

Right after I entered that diary entry, Luke came on-line
and Imed me---apologized, apoligized, apoligized....begged
for forgiveness and so I told him if he wants to talk about
it he could call me becuase i wasnt having that
conversation on-line. No sooner did I sign off than he
calls. Ok i was SO incredibly mad at him and he knew it. He
told me what an asshole he was for like 20 minutes and did
all the talking. I was mad, and sad, and happy, and
relieved all at the same time. I just honestly love him so
much that when he did that-it KILLED me. Killed me so much
it scared the shit out of me. I've never reacted to a guy
that way and I've had a lot of boyfriends. He's not even a
boyfriend! That is what is so wierd! We're not going out,
we are together-but still I was so upset I didn't know what
to do with myself. I love him, that's the scary truth. I
have never trusted someone that much before ever...and I
trusted him QUICK too. And for last week when he ditched
me, I felt like I'd been punched in the stomache all the
time. Even when I was having fun I was sad. All that trust
was hanging in the balance and I felt soo stupid for
actually trusting someone who has a history of being a jerk
and getting bored with people. What's even scarier is that
once we talked for a couple hours about it, he said he
loved me over and over...and all that anger and fear and
sadness went away and all I could feel was love...and so I
ended up saying it back, after all that shit he put me
through...I said it back-and meant it.