psychomagnet

sleeptodreamher
2002-06-23 06:19:12 (UTC)

my god, where do i have to go to get away from myself?

no matter if i ever get out of this depression alive... it
makes no difference because it has already fundamentally
changed me.

"Insanity is knowing that what youre doing is completely
idiotic, but still, somehow, you just cant stop it."

I hate him... as much as I try to think, I could never
hate him.. no, its true, theres a fine fine line between
love and hate and he's dangling me back and forth over
it... he's such a fucking piece of shit, thats all i can
think.. why.. what am i DOING.. 8 days, if im approved, and
i'll be out.. thats what ive said for years i need.. we
shall see.. somehow, i expect it to be no better.. if i
packed it up and said fuck it, and just drove away,
stopped somewhere, and started all over... somehow, i
expect it would be no better... the problem isnt him as
much as it is me.. the problem isnt this town, or school,
or work, or their fighting, its me.. its me and my own
pathetic inability to deal with everyday problems... and my
pathetic inability to seek help for the things i know
absolutely are wrong with me... and can i honestly say that
i try? try? 3 years later.. i know. 3 years later, how
can i blame him? when im the idiot who falls for it..
yes.. hes evil maybe.. hes crazy and insane and maybe
farther gone than i am.. but i fall for it.. i cant blame
him.