Alexander Dickson

Silent Hill: Town of Unforgetable Memori
2002-06-22 18:49:59 (UTC)

Although I have seen much death, I still do not know how to deal with it

I cried when I saw the "sending" scene at Kalika in Final
Fantasy X. Strange really. As I saw those cgi generated
characters mourn the loss of their loved ones, I saw what
I should have done when the people I loved left this
world. Instead I refused to acknowledge it, believing they
had just went on a long trip, and someday they would come
back.

My Grandparents, Brother, Uncle, all of them. Especially
my Great Grandmother. I barely shed a tear and she was my
oldest and quite possibly one of my most loved relatives.
I'm sure it was due to the many years of repressed
feelings. Hurt, pain, suffering, loss and even fear. Fear
of what may be beyond this existance.

I once heard that "the brave do not fear the grave". I
once thought I was brave, but there is a distinct
difference between bravery and denial. The true way to
bravery is through confrontation of your fears. However
that is a fear in itself. I suppose I am refusing to
believe the bad things for I have seen what happens to
those who embrace that which is bad. A world of madness
and delerium. Paranoia and suspicion, all very wrong
things when they are all you have.

Final Fantasy X teaches us that "great strength can only
come from great suffering". How I long for the suffering
to start so I can achieve the great strength promised. For
now I am only a child, lost in the world of adults. Adults
who are experienced in the ways of suffering, loss, pain,
hurt and fear. I have none of these but fear and I fear
this may be my downfall.

Seems I finally wrote a truly sombre entry when I said I
would not. Add hypocritical to my list of crimes against
humanity.