Thoughts in the Confused
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2001-06-22 09:54:43 (UTC)

Society Sucks

you know what is wrong with finding oneself. To know the
real you. Be true to what and who i am. lol

It is all easy said, but lets see it done. First off I am a
chicken shit. I have a hell of a time going into Borders to
buy a copy of XY magazine. Shit, it has taken me a couple
hours to buy it once. I am a chicken shit. I know I am
sorry. I can say over and over that I do not care what
others think but it is not true.

I fear it all the time and if that was not a problem I
subcome to this fear. I know it is depressing to me and I
assume it would be to anyone.

The point being is that I want to know who I am. I want to
know if I am gay. I need something more to prove it.
Something more solid. I want to kiss a guy and see if I
like that. Not that I am a master in the kissing
department. I have not kissed anybody in a sexual manner.

But I think it is becoming more and more apparnt to me that
I need this. i need to understand the me that that I
clouded up.

I have gone over the whole I have feeling for guys and I
find guys sexy thing. So I will not do it again.

I need courage. I need a gay friend who is open and honest
about it. Hell, I will take a guy who is in the closet and
I just know he is gay so I can really experiment with it.

All my sexual experiences previous had one thing in common
and that is getting off. I was to young and immature at the
time to even thinking of a realtionship thing or what i was
really doing. I have since regreted that. I wish I could
turn back time and do it over. I would od explored then
what I dream now.

Damn testostorone and pubertity. Making a guy all horny and
stuff at an early age. lol. Ok, bad escape goat.

By-the-way, sorry about the lacking on posting. Don;t hurt
me. Lets see shit since the 15th. I was going to buy a
camcorder and decided not because I do not need it. lol.

Gave my dad a pretty rose tree for father's day. Which I
bought on father's day. I know it is cutting it close, but
I had no idea what to get him. hmm . . .what else.

Messing with that Xbox webisite and my own website.

I swam some but not a lot. And that is it for now.

Any guys that want to experiment with me or just be my
friend, say hi. Hey that friend thing goes to all sexes.
Hell, if there are any girls out there what would like to
experiment say hi. I am lacking in both experience.

Waiting to get kissed,

[email protected]