moshingkow

the expunged refuse of my evil mind
2002-06-22 01:57:28 (UTC)

incubus

arg. morgan is at the incubus concert with matt. this angers me. not
that shes with matt, but just the fact that im not there with her. this is
her first real concert. i took alex to her first concert. it was amazing.
i wanted to be there with her. i should be happy for her, i am. but
im also kind of sad that she went. just because i wanted to be
there. and its incubus too. that makes it all that much harder. im
just sitting at home, watching fucking summertime tv, i hate this. i
dunno. everything is perfect with me and morgan, she tells me she
loves me all the time, but my distrusting personality makes me
doubt its truthfullness. i dont think she loves me the way she says. I
do so much stuff for her. i dunno. im just angry now. i feel like im
missing something here. i just feel so fucking frustrated that im not
there. i need to be there. i want to be there, with her. she knew how
much i wanted to go. i dunno. i guess im being selfish. everyones
coming to my bbq tomarrow. i dunno, alex said that she was really
excited about coming. if she diddnt say that, i might have canceled
it. i dunno. i feel like im imposing this upon everyone. i dont want
something where people feel theyre obligated to come to. i just
think that its not gonna be the fun i once thought it would be. im
also afraid that alex wont like morgan, or that morgan wont like
alex. i dunno. everything just fucking angers me today. i hate being
alone. i absolutley detest having to be alone all day. and not do
anything at all. i used to skate when i had nothing to do, but i
stopped. i dont know why i stopped. i just wasnt good and i wasnt
getting any better. i dunno. i fucking suck.




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