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2001-06-22 04:19:01 (UTC)

"What would I do without him..."

Music: Meat is Murder-The Smiths(How appropriate)
Random Thought-Where exactly did they come up with the
name "thong"?

You know that saying "You can't live with 'em, you can't
live without 'em"?'s so true. Only not fully in my
case....sometimes it feels like we can't get along, and
after we make up....I realize that I don't want anyone or
anything else in my life besides him. Yesterday I was just
pissed off and having a bad day, and I regret the things I
say, but I can't really take them back. I started thinking
about how things would be if I lost him. Lost him for good.
With no chances of getting back together because he would
be gone. Physically. I don't know if I could handle that or
not. You never really know what you've got until it's gone.
I've learned that a few times in my life....but I don't
want to learn it at all with him. I pray that nothing bad
ever comes his way. Ever. I don't actually believe in all
of that praying bullshit. God-schmod. But when it comes to
him, I'd be a fucking nun.

Yea, so I'm trying not to eat meat again. It's harder than
you think. Those damn Gardenburgers didn't cut it the first
time, and probably won't this time either...but I'm trying.
I feel like a hypocrite most of the time. I love animals
and all, and I'm totally against animal cruelty (such as
squirting soap in a rat's eye to "test it out" for human
safety) ...but when you've been eating a hamburger made out
of soy for 8 months, a McDonald's commercial is like one of
those medieval torture devices. Maybe I should ask my aunt
how she does it. I guess I'm just not a strong person when
it comes to that. I just hate the thought of my dinner once
grazing in a field, happy and content. Until along comes
Mr. Farmer and BAM, off to Burger King it goes. I don't
like any seafood at all, so I don't have to worry about
that. I don't really want to be eating something that at
one time had it's head chopped off for no reason, either.
God damnit. I don't want to be eating anything that once
had a beating heart. I feel bad about eating dairy
sometimes too, but I can't really help that. I'm 15 years
old and I don't want to have to be taking 40 vitamins a day
for the rest of my life. Maybe when I'm older.


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