AzureSky143

Kristan's So-Called Life
2002-06-21 19:38:21 (UTC)

Still Fighting It

Last night I did something I'm not proud of. My roommate,
Nick, and I were fighting. I had had a bad day and was in
no mood for attitude. He pissed me off one time too many,
so I hit him. Just like that I hauled off and hit him.

It was not like me to lose it so completely. He retracted
and went to hit me back before catching himself and
stopping. I gave him a look that told him if he hit me,
I'd drop him in one punch.

I have never been in that kind of a fight before. I took
off out the front door and walked about 7 miles before
returning home. When I got home, Nick was gone, the door
was locked. I let myself in, gathered my stuff and left.

I haven't been back yet... that was almost a whole day ago.
I went out with friends last night and then spent the night
at my ex-boyfriend Brandon's house. He and I are starting
to act like Dawson and Joey (well, from the first season
anyways). I haven't talked to Nick since either...
actually, I'm scared to.

To make matters worse, somewhere between all the stops I
made "not going home" last night, I lost my checkbook. I
have so much stuff in there that if I do not find it I'm
thoroughly screwed.

On my walk.... Tony passed me on his motorcylce... but he
didn't stop. After all that Tony and I had been through he
didn't stop when he saw me walking along the street trying
to stifle my tears.

I called him and he appologized, saying that he didn't know
it was me for sure and that he was in a hury. He stopped
to see me for a few minutes.... and then called again this
morning to make sure I was alright...and to tell me that he
and Diane moved in together...

No matter how hard I try, I just can't be happy for
him.... But I will.. someday.

For now, I have to sort out my own problems, emotions, and
feelings. I have to make sure my relationship with me is
ok before I can make my relationship with Nick or anyone
else ok.




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