2001-06-22 03:19:36 (UTC)

make me laugh.....

...say you know what you want, you said we were the real
thing... make me laugh, say you know you could turn me into
the real thing.."

Fucker. fucker fucker fucker!!! AGGH... i so dont NEED
peoples SHIT in my life why cant things be simple why cant
i just go through life and be happy and have fun and have
real friends who care about me who i care about and dont
either go crazy and fuck me over or go crazy and fall in
love with me is that so much to ask! fuck this man. now
out of nowhere he like just doesnt want to be my friend
anymore, i try to talk to him just have a serious
conversation it wasnt even close to a fight just a serious
conversation I NEED THAT sorry i still have blood in my
veins i still FEEL shit and from then on he doesnt call
doesnt call back doesnt tell me whats up nothing and now
hes just like "can i just get my cds back thats all i want"
fuck you man and this materialistic bullshit yes take your
fucking cds and shove them up your ass just either make me
happy or make me sad just do ONE OF THE TWO AND GET OUT OF
MY LIFE. we go months hanging out every day all the
time "best friends" talking when we ARENT hanging out and
then one day....POOF NOTHING. fuck that. fuck that. I

... today... today i woke up with a bitch headache so i
fell back into bed and was laying there thinking... i guess
i should call him, kinda cus i wanted to hang out with
caroline and kinda cus i had a bit of hope left that he
would open up to me and tell me whats up and stop this
bullshit wherever it may be coming from.... so i'm laying
there like "no.. he'll think he's in control" not that he
doesnt KNOW he is already and then im like "Yeah just call
him you always do" "no dont" and the phone rings. ashley=)
hehe and shes like WAKE UP I WANT BREAKFAST in her cute
little kiddish way =) so we went to friendlys. and had
breakfast. and talked=)

now hes saying he doesnt want to stop being friends and he does care
about me whatever dude try showing it... i hope i can soon be strong
enough to say fuck this shit and move on... but for now i guess i
need him to fuck me over completely -once again- to really stop.

anyway work was boring, but theres a nice guy next to me... not my
type though unfortunately.. and the little black girl on the other
side is needless to say not my type either.. but who am i to be
looking around..

i miss ashley.. it wont work at least until i move out though. a lot
of things wont. i will feel bad leaving my mom all alone when i go
though. i feel so bad for her anyway... i hate him. i hate PEOPLE.

i dont like when people say "dammit" instead of "damn it" i think its

i bought the coolest candle thing the other day. i dont work
tomorrow. woohoo!! hehe.

i hate him. i really hate him. i hate the bad he brings out in me, i
hate the way he makes me feel i hate him damn it.

i want to be happy. why cant i be happy? why does he make me so
sad? why am i always so sad?