dark_child

Meaningless Ramblings of Dark_Child
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2002-06-21 09:13:23 (UTC)

I'm In Quite A Peaceful Mood

Current Music: 'My Plague' by Slipknot
Days Without Calling 'Him': 5 (yeah, I know, definately a
record!)

'Deal with it' seems to be a phrase I've had to use on
myself quite a lot over the past seven to eight weeks. 'Get
over it' has been used a fair bit as well. I still like
him.

As you can probably tell from my last entry I've been
getting really suicidal over the past few days (again!). I
just have to keep reminding myself what I'll miss out on if
I kill myself when I'm still so young. So yeah, that will
probably change in about an hour, and it will all start
happening again.

Sometimes I just feel like it's the only way out. Like
getting trapped in a tiny room with the walls closing in. A
cute lil' kitten is blocking the only exit, refusing to
move, no matter what. So the only way out is to kill the
kitten, which will leave you feeling guilty and selfish.

Bad example, I know, but it's the only thing I can think of
right now. :P

My Mum has always told me how selfish suicide is. She says
it causes so much pain to the friends and family of the
dead person.

I really wonder if my friends and family would really care
that much though.

Pah....... I don't feel like thinking about it right now.

Bye Bye
~~~~~~~

WAIT~

I just thought of something else to say. I HATE MY ENGLISH
TEACHER MORE THAN ANYBODY IN THE WORLD. Well, not quite,
but you get where I'm coming from.

I wanted to do a project on Kurt Cobain at the start of the
year. The project was kind of like a diary, where we read
things about the person and then wrote entries about the
thought patterns we went through while reading. Anyway, as
soon as she found out that he killed himself and that he
was into drugs etc. etc. she got really pissed off with me.
I respect Kurt Cobain more than anybody else in the world.
She tried to make a joke about it infront of the class,
aimed at me. 'Sorry Rachel, but we don't want to hear about
rock star wackos who kill themselves'

This went on for about two weeks. She made me change the
topic of my diary, and nothing else was said about it. But,
today she was explaining the brief for a new topic. We are
compiling a poem collection of all poems and/or song lyrics
that we find particularly meaningful or just like. So the
old bitch thought it would be really funny to bring up
the 'Grunge/pop star (????) who is all suicidal and silly'.

Yes, that's it. Go ahead. Completely mock the person that I
admire the most in the world. I don't mind at all. No.

I was just beginning to put the whole diary thing behind
me. So she brings it up again. What made me sick, is the
fact that she thinks it's funny. She tried to make the
class laugh at me because I respect a dead person. I've
never felt more angry in my life. Ever.

I just said nothing and went on with my work. If she so
much as mentions him again I'm going to kick her fat
fucking ass. I don't give a fuck if she refers me. I just
want to stick up for myself and my beliefs.

I'm no longer in a peaceful mood.

Bye Bye
~~~~~~~


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