My Diary
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2002-06-21 04:03:11 (UTC)

So Much to Say....I LOVE CHRIS!

Well....it's been FOREVER since I last wrote, but so much
has happened, i look back at my old entries, and i'm like,
whoa, that was a LONG time ago. So, the guy i liked at
school...well, he did like me, he REALLY did, but bless his
heart, he's just WEIRD...one day, he just STOPPED talking
to me all together, no explanation, no nothing. I asked his
best friend bout it and he was like, he's just that way,
sometimes he'll talk, and sometimes he won't. And honestly,
in my opinion, he just got tired of waiting on me to ask
him out, A LOT of ppl told me that, and the truth is, I DO
NOT ask guys out, never have, never will, it's just my
deal, and well, come to find out, he doesn't ask ppl out
either, no matter if he's head over heals in love w/ them,
he waits on them to make the move. It's super freaky, but i
didnt' give up at first, i tired, and a lot of ppl said
they thought he was in it just for the chase, and i didn't
want to look stupid in front of him, i really didn't, cause
that's the most i've cared bout someone in a long time. But
we flirted again up until the last day of school, and he
has my number, but i haven't heard from him since, i'm
figuring he's too shy to call, but at this point, i just
want to stay friends, and that's all. So...now that i got
that outta the way. I finally got to start driving the car,
i've got a job now too, so sooner or later i will be able
to go see Chris WITH PERMISSION(you'll see waht i'm talkin
bout in a few..lol), so that's what I've been happy bout
here lately. Um, i'm working at a pretty cool job, can be
boring, but it's alright. I've met a lot of new ppl is the
best thing bout it, including one REALLY, REALLY HOTT guy,
i mean, yeah, i love chris, but i can sure LOOK, lol. No
harm in that. Anyways, back to the seeing chris WITH
PERMISSION thing...lol.....well, here's the story, my
parents had to go to doctor's appointments for my dad out
of town one day, and it was only supposed to be an over-
night thing, but well, it turned out to be like a four day
thing.....so the coolest thing of all is, i drove up and
seen chris every single night that they were gone, i always
came home during the day so my neighbors wouldn't ask
questions and in case they called home, but i left at like
11 o clock every night and drove up to see him, we would
drive around all night and 'talk', hehe, and then i've
leave at like 6-7 o clock that next morning, it was so
awesome, it had been almost 6 months since i had last seen
him, and it felt so nice to get to spend that kinda time
with him again, you just can't imagine, when i'd look at
him, i'd just literally stare cause i wanted to take it all
in and make a memory cause i knew it'd all end too soon. I
can tell you almost every thing he said to me over the
course of those few night, i made a memory of everything
cause it all meant so much to me. The weird thing is, we're
STILL NOT back together. We talked about it, and he knows
that that's waht i want, even tho it'd be super-duper hard
where we never hardly get to see one another, and he said
it's waht he wanted too, but we know that as of right now,
it's just not possible, but i swear, we act like a couple,
he dont date n e body else, i dont date n e body else, i
call him, he's beginning to call me. It's so weird, we
might as well say we're back together, but it seems like
just saying it puts so much pressure on the situation. It's
so complicated. but we love each other and that's ALL that
matters. We'll make it in the end, we were talkign about
it the other day, and he had NEVER said n e thign like this
to me before, we were talking about the whole getting
married thing again, and he was talking bout moving from
where he lives now to get outta there as soon as he turned
18, and i was like, you have to wait on me to graduate tho,
right, and he just outta the blue, said, well, i was
actually thinking of moving up there to be closer to you as
soon as i can until you graduate and we can live together.
I was like, aww......how sweet. He's never said n e thing
like that to me before, like that he would make the
sacrifice to just pick up and move his life here to be w/
me. It's so weird how until this whole trip w/ me getting
to go up there, I knew he loved me, but going up there and
spending that much time w/ him, and seeing the way he looks
at me with all the love he has in him, and just the way he
holds me, or will be sweet and kiss me on the forehead,
it's all made me completely understand his feelings for me,
which is something i had NEVER been able to do before,
cause he doesn't express emotion the way normal ppl do.
honestly, i mean, he's always had his own ways of showing
it, and i truly seen it when i was there. I honestly know
in my heart we're meant to be together, it's like, we've
been together like off and on and stuff for almost 2 years
now, and the thing i love about it so much, is that when i
look at him, it takes my breath away, and i have a feeling
that for the rest of my life, when i look at him, if it's
80 years down the road from now, i know in my heart, that
it's STILL gonna take my breath away, and that's such a
magical feeling. I know now that I can't live w/out him, i
need him more than anything. He's a part of my mind, body,
and soul, he's my everything, my reason for living, and my
life. and i know that that will probably never change. I
just hope we find a way soon to be together, it would be a
dream come true.....i'm just praying until the day it

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