my pathetic life
2002-06-21 00:10:18 (UTC)


well my cousin came from hawaii to spend 2 weeks here in
charlotte. yeah there isnt much to do but it hasnt been too
bad, i dont think. one nite me my cousin and my bro got
bored so we decided to watch a home movie from 10 years
ago. we were in hawaii and i was just watching and i
noticed that i was always with my aunt, never with my
mother. no big deal. then we watched one from 1997. my
family was on vacation. there was this part were my brother
taped my mother and i fighting. i remember that day, she
made me so angry. its bad, i was 9 and had already started
to hate my mother. i dont remember it being so long.
nothing has changed. i used to think that her and my
relation ship was bad cuz i am just a bitchy teenager. but
its been around for a while. isnt that horrible.

last week we were in the car going to the airport to pick
up my cousin. i was in the back and my mother was talking
to me and my brother about our grandfather. he's really
sick and he might die. she was talking about how we were
going to go visit him and that she didnt want to. she
sounded kind of angry. all the things she said made me
angry, i no she doesnt like my fathers parents but still,
an old man might die, an old man i love dearly. i was
sitting in the back of the car crying. i just wanted to hit
her but instead i cried. she didnt no that i was, i guess
it was better that way, if she said something to me i
probly would have hit her.

"Please bleed
So I know that you are real
So I know that you can feel
The damage that you've done
Who have I become
To myself I am numb"
-ben harper