sims

Like a book
2001-06-21 19:42:10 (UTC)

read this please

Diary

I'm not sure why I want people to read this, maybe to reduce
the feeling of isolation. My friends can't seem to stress
enough how hard it is to read emotions with me
(translation: Scarlie's mentioned it a couple of times)

I know what they're getting at, i guess I am kind of stoic,
but not completely.

The whole of my body aches, we had Kung-Fu yesterday,
whenever I come home from Kung-Fu I go straight to bed
(after a quick shower) and so wake up with awful cramp. It
pains up till Sunday, i'm making reasonable progress in
lessons, I know the 20 escape techniques, 16 earth signs and
13 step kicking.

We're gradually getting our results back, but it's a very
slow process, I came first in french, fluke is definately
the word.

I swear a lot more than I used to, or maybe just a lot more
out loud, in my old school I didn't seem to so much because
I kept up this facade that I was nice etc. but now I no
longer deny that "fuck" is a word found commonly in my small
but growing vocabulary.

t's weird, i remain silent for so long than I make an entry
with completely random things, I actually think about
writing in this thing a lot, but I always forget what I was
going to say, or if by some strange twist of fate I remember
what it was it always ends up sounding a lot more stupid
than when first planned *sigh*

I'm going to India soon, God how I'm dreading it.

Am I an athiest? I really can't decide. I wouldn't mind
being wiccan, or some other type of pagan because of the
element of magic, but I feel like I'd be abusing the whole
thing because they believe in gods in the form of male and
female personifications or deities, I don't believe in
anytink like that, in fact I believ in nothing.

So i am an athiest by definition, but i don't like being a
non-believer, it's the want for a sense of belonging, I
guess that's the meaning of religion, groups, and power. I'm
sure that power is something religions strive to obtain in
the number of followers. I cracked that with our work on the
middle ages, all that fighting between the church and the
king, the way people's lives revolved around praying.

I don't particularly believe in God, but if their is
something out there, what kind of ego does it have to create
a whole solar system in order to receive unlimited praise
for ever from the beings that inhabit it.

And every religion can't be right, i have nothing against
followers of it (no-one's forcing you to read this) but I
find that everything I learn about Islam makes me think of
it as a very oppresive religion, the covering of religion,
the restrictions of diet the whole "if you're not one of us
you're gonna suffer" almost as bad as the concept of heaven,
could anything be more munipulative?

I was sitting downstairs when this awful thought struck me,
I'm going to go to hell, I mean the way i seem to completely
curse god at every other opportunity just dictates it
doesn't it, and the only reassurance is that I don't believe
in Hell :)

I wouldn't mid being a vampire, though I'm not really that
evil. I can't see how people can just be bad, killing and
blowing stuff up, it confuses me, I really don't understand
why it takes a burning bush and some guy called Moses to
define the line between right and wrong, does whoever it was
that wrote that bible story not realise that we have a built
in conscience?

And though I have no personal experience (I'm far to young,
trust me) I think one of the rules of christianity being
against sex for pleasure is stupid, one of the few things
that two lovers do together as a means of showing love
(doesn't include rape or prostitutes) is taken away, almost
as if you-know-who was scared that we'd become more commited
to another human being than to him, what?!?!?!

Im sorry if I've affended one religion more than the other,
but what with living in England and all I get to see the
faults in Christianity more than any other religion, if it
makes you feel better I think they all suck, and that people
who follow them are to closed minded to think of a world
outside the "someone must have created the universe" box and
into the fields of science, I know I might get some hate
feedback for this (like anyone would bother) but everyone's
entitled to their opinion and if you want yours why not
start your own diary and share your views/preach their.

thankyou

*it's would take Keanu Reeves, an unlimited amount of
chocolate and a whole new God to convert me, so don't think
you could do it be sending me some mail!*

sims





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