my mixed up world
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2001-06-21 19:12:03 (UTC)

first of many

I've had many diaries through out my short life. But as for
the number of diaries that I've actually kept up with? That
would be a big zero. So hopefully I'll keep up with this
one! I don't have anything really interesting to write
right now so I guess I tell you about the people in my life
that you might read about in here:

John~ What can I say about John? Well to start off I've
known him for about a year and a half. We first met last
year (the beginning of my sophomore year) in lunch. We had
lunch together everyday for half a year, and everyday I'd
walk over to the table and he'd say something like "so sex
last night was good huh?" or "we're having sex tonight
right?". Now I know these seem offensive but coming from
John it didn't matter, they were funny. And that's just the
way he talked, believe me it made for some interesting
conversations! Well, let me explain something for you all,
at my school we have block classes, meaning that we have 4
classes for half the year and then 4 different classes for
the other half. (I hope that makes sense to you!) Anyways,
so like I said we had lunch together for half the year and
then when we got our list of classes for the next half I
found that we had two classes together. World History and
Biology. Well, I was a little excited to say the least. I'd
had a crush on John sice about a month after I met him so
to be able to spend 3 hours with him everyday instead of
just 30 minutes was good news to me. We got closer and
closer as the year went on, and I was thinking about
telling him how I felt when he came into first period all
excited, when I asked him what was up he replied by telling
me about this girl he was now dating, I didn't really hear
about this girl. I didn't care anymore, she'd stolen him
away from me, and from right under my nose. Ok maybe she
didn't considering that he had no clue that I had feelings
for him, but still! Even with him going out with Wendy we
got closer and closer. And needless to say my feelings for
him got stronger and stronger. And now on to this year,
(first off my school got rid of block classes and now we've
got BLUE and GOLD days, those are our school colors, which
means that we go to 1st period everyday but alternate the
other classes, what I mean is that one day we have 1st,
2nd, 4th, and 6th and the next day we have 1st, 3rd, 5th,
and 7th) ANYWAYS, John and I didn't have an classes
together this year which sucked but while I was in Speech
and Drama he was in Individual Development, so I got to see
him before that class and sometimes he'd come into my
Speech and Drama class. Two of his band mates were in my
class, Drew and Justin (their band is OLT, One Last Time,
Justin is the rapper/screamer and Drew plays bass) so when
he did come in he just said hi to me and talked to them
mainly. But what could I do about it. Let me explain why
this kinda upset me, a couple months into the year I sent
him a letter for Valentines Day telling him how I felt but
since I can't handle rejection I didn't tell him my name
but I left him my e-mail address so he could get in touch.
Well he didn't. A month went by before I e-mailed him,
through IMs he found out who I am and his response
was "cool"! well the only bad this was that he was still
with Wendy. We started talking online and on the phone
every night, we talked about everything and nothing at the
same time, I told him about my feelings for him and he told
me how Wendy was going psycho on him, calling him 10 times
a day and showing up at his house when he said not to. This
was good news to me but I didn't let him know that I just
tried to help out. Well the day FINALLY came when John and
I were talking on the phone and he told me he broke up with
Wendy, she just got to be too much. Well to make an already
long story shorter, we still talk on the phone every night
and now we hang out pretty much every weekend. Only now we
are as my friends call it "Friends with benefits" meaning
we makeout and such. It's been this way for a while, we
went to prom together (I asked him) and I take him to his
shows (for One Last Time). I don't know what his friends
think we are and it doesn't really matter but hell. He's
been sick for a while, he was in the hospital for two days
with IV. It's really scary not knowing what's going on with
him, I wish he would get online and reply to my e-mail or
call me. The waiting is killing me. (Wow sorry I wrote so
much I didn't think that would happen!)

Caroline~ I've known Caroline since we were three, that's
almost 15 years. We've been best friends the entire time.
We're different people but we get along better than anyone
I know! We have NEVER had a real fight, ever.

Katii~ I've known Katii since freshman year, I couldn't
stand her then, mainly because she is the typical
cheerleader type. She a major ditz. She was also going out
with my ex so that wasn't getting her any points in my
book! But now we're pretty good friends. She thinks that we
are best friends but we're really not. Oh well.

I'm not in the mood to write anymore so I'm out for now.
I'll write more later today or tonight I'm sure.