>'.'

A clothe covered notebook.
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2001-01-04 01:48:07 (UTC)

No one has any idea what I m..

No one has any idea what I'm going through. No one know's who I really am inside- For even I don't. I try to explain
this to people. They just don't understand. I can't escape this feeling of being alone. I suppose I'll brief you in on my
life up to this point.
I was born on April 17, 1987 in a small down in South Jersey. I live in my hometown today. I intend to move away
when I am able to. Not too far- Just down to the shore. Long Beach Island to be precise, providing property rates
go down.
I was raised by my mother and father in a loving, and sheltered family. When I was four my sister Wendy was born.
I grew up in an extremly sheltered family, and up until fifth grade my teachers also did their best to protect the
'skinny, polite, white girl who gets great grades and wants to learn.'
Sixth grade was rough for me. Switching classes, students who thrived on making others miserable, and teachers
who didn't have time to give the misbehaving students proper scolding.
Sixth grade was also the year my sister's cat gave birth to four little kittens. Three male, one female. I aquired my
sencond cat from that litter. The only one my dad allowed to stay at our house- us owning a total of five cats and
one dog, with various fish and small rodents passing through.
I named him Jezzy. Jezzy because the name was origanal and alive-like my little ball of black and white with the
sea green eyes. Sixth grade was the 'transition year' for me.
Seventh grade was spent trying to get attention and failing miserably. Why I needed more attention then I was
already getting, I haven't the slightest clue. Maybe I was tired at etting attention at things that came so easily to me-
my artwork and intelligence.
Seventh grade was also the year Jezzy became my best friend. I know it sounds really odd- queer even- but we
were close. My heart kept when I saw him- and he'd start purring as soon as he saw me. Seventh grade was my
best year. I had great friends, great grade, liked my teachers, had a cat that was my crutch when bad happened...
and was pretty much enjoying life.
Eight grade- Present. I haven't the slightest clueto why I am complaining. I have almost everythibng tangable I could
ever want or need. I think it could be that my mum's depression kicked in...
And I don't like my teachers, and due to my schedule at school, I don't see my friends much.
I'm starting to doubt myself. Let me tell you- Never doubt yourself. Always keep a positive image of yourself. Smile
alot and be as kind as can be. I used to like being depressed- I got attention. I'm sick of it now, and gave up
fighting it along time ago. Jezzy was there for me to cry into, or cuddle.
Jezzy died December 17, 2000. Merry Christmas Sam. I love my cat more than anything. I'd give my vision for his
life. He was blown off the roof when I was at a sleepover. Perhaps I'll explain more later.
I don't beleive in God- and this has strenghtened my (mis)beleif.
Actually, I'm into witchcraft. VooDoo and such.

Sorry that this was such a long entry.. I'll try to keep them shorter- Thanks a bunch if ya' read the whole thing- Leave
a note and I'll come by and read your diary.. Mebbe..


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