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2001-06-21 05:07:39 (UTC)

Smart lil me......

~*Well i am on my sis's friends screen name bc i was
havin internet withdraws lol jk.I found out she had aol and
had to get on.No ones on though but thats ok bc that gives
me some time to write to u.Ppl will get on.They always get
on and off all night.i need to learn to stop eating sooo
mush because when i get older it's going to really be
affecting me.Today i did good and stopped eating when i
wasnt hungry.Usually i keep on eating whatever i can find
but i didnt which is good.I have my ice and water now....i
become a water addict when im on my lil "diet".Its not a
diet...its just a stabilizer lol.Im not sure if that makes
any sense.Ppl always say ur not fat and u do not need to
lose any weight, but they dont understand what im saying.Im
not saying im fat i say ive gotten fatter and need to watch
it.Last summer i gained 15 pounds in like a month which
isnt good.I am only 110 but still thats alot to be gaining
and when u come from a family that weighs like 300 or more
pounds u hafta learn young how to control ur eating or will
catch up to u.Im getting kinda plump lol.
Well ne wayz my dad wrote my mom some stupid email and
sent it to me on my yahoo address.It was like i was so
worried saturday when u and the kids werent there and i luv
them .... bla bla bla.We didnt show up on sat. when he was
suppose to pick us up.I never listen to what he says ne
more.Its all empty words now.U know whats really bad is
that i wouldnt care if he died or if i never saw him ever
again.Me and my friend ashton were talking bout that on the
way to school one day.She was like she wouldnt care if her
foster parents died and how she doesnt luv them and i was
like same here with my dad.When ur dad is always yelling
and throwing stuff and u r living in fear for ur life then
u kinda lose ur sense of luv not only for him but for
urself and sometimes others.
Its soo annoying because i dont know how to luv ne
more.The only thing that i can love is animals and i think
thats why i am an "animal luver"lol.Maybe its for the best
because i know i will never get hurt.I will hopefully grow
out of it.You know who i really look up to and she would
never guess that i do?my friend dinah.We use to hang out a
lot as kids but we grew apart.Well her dad killed hinmself
this year and the whole neighborhood mourned.My sis cried
but i dont really cry that much ne more unless im mad....i
tend to hold things in and anger brings them out.She is in
like every activity too.Well she had her week and then the
next week she came back all happy and perky.She was back
into cheerleading,yr book staff,dance,etc...And has
graduated with like really good grades.I think that is so
cool of her.Her dad was so nice and its a sad thing what
happened to him.Im prolly even sadder then her lol, the
first couple of weeks i got teary eyed when someone
mentioned ne thing that reminded me of him.When i wrote in
my real diary bout it i boo hooed.but o well shes really
cool and has a nice personality, oh and shes pretty.
My dad called today and was tryin to talk my sis into
being on his side for the whole nick moving thing.But my
sis was standing her ground.But i g2g.
Bye:*


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