faiien angei

a day in the life...
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2002-06-18 06:55:52 (UTC)

love is like teething

who am i kidding?
my heart is in a glass jar at his disposal.
i am one of those people who is so in love with being in
love that i fall in love so easily.

and that's my problem. i fall in love with everyone. there
is beauty in every person that i see and i love that. i
need ot learn to differentiate loving something and love.

i remember the morning with Jason Fish on the way back
home...he told me that i wear my heart on my sleeve and
because of the fact that i was so willing to love he wanted
to break my heart.
and i realize now, that not only is he right, but i want my
heart to be broken.
but the thing is, i dont want them to break it. i want to
do it myself. i want to create a situation that will
inevitably result in the cracking of my heart so that i'm
prepared and able to handle it...so that i dont really fall
truly and madly in love and trust someone with my whole
being...because if it was broken then...then i'd be broken.
it's taken me 9 years to heal from my first break...but the
skin is still a little bit raw and tender...baby flesh for
the baby that i am. it's as if i'm contantly teething...the
pain is there but i have to constantly bite down on
something to make it more apperant...i just want the tooth
to come out already.


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