xJaYdEnx

XNo_StaRLeTTe_x
2002-06-18 04:33:55 (UTC)

*OnLy aN AcT?*

sorry....i haven't yet had the chance to update till now...


when i was tremont...most of the time i was alone...either
the person i was with had to take care of something...or i
just got tired of standing around...

while i was alone....when none of the bands were
playing....i just stood there...in my own
silence....watching all of the ppl go by....i saw the
women..the men...all either trying to get someones
attention...or ignore them as much as possible....and that
made me think of Matt...all that night ...he was with
laura..or lauren....i can't remember which....

she acted like she liked him...alot...she followed him
around like a sad puppy looking for someone to take care of
them...she bothered me

its not the fact that she was with matt all night....cuz
shes a sweet gurl...shes really pretty,really funny...its
just the fact that shes the biggest flirt i have ever
seen...she would let any guy touch her...or kiss her....and
it just bothered me...

but anyway....i noticed that anywhere i went if it happend
to be around matt....(on or not on purpose)...he would
leave...so i started to do it on purpose...just to see what
he did...and my assumption was that he was avoiding
me....and i was right...

so finally i looked up at him....and didn't make a facial
expression at all....i just simply looked at him...but it
was weird i had no emotion...and no thought...i just felt
as if he was nothing....

i think that i'm getting tired of being around him..and
STILL not knowing what he thinks...

i'm just too tired of everything.....that i might give up
on him...i don't want to .....but the way i'm starting to
feel makes me want to...

he makes me feel worthless...like i'm just nothing...to
anyone...esp. him...

when i look at him..and he looks at me...when he turns his
head away from me...i just want to burst into tears...its
like hes telling me to never be there...if that makes
sence...

its so weird though....i thought that maybe he would come
around...but now..i know he won't...and i'm getting
tired....ok..heres an example of what i mean...after the
show it was about 1 something in the morning when we
left...Waylon, Matt, Pottie, the chyK, and myself all went
to the "Steak & Shake"...i was feeling a bit tired...so i
thought that i would wake myself up by laughing a
bit....and to do so...i blew my straw paper at Pottie who
was sitting directly opposite of me....and i hit him right
in the eye...lol...it was funny..he even laughed...the next
thing i knew matt did the same thing to me...but instead of
laughing i just looked at him...once again
expressionless...and turned away...

i don't know what it is about me now....its almost like i
can't stand matt anymore....he is one of the many many ppl
that change after meeting me...and like the rest the change
wasn't for the better...hes not the same sweet,loveing
person that cared anymore.....

i don't know who he is anymore....but maybe matt was all
just an act....in the begininng....

maybe its all just an act now....

in the words of RELLIK- "Only time will tell"
l8er-
xQuAzzIx

but honestly...what do u think i should do?....




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