Lost and Searching
2002-06-18 03:38:29 (UTC)

Moving On

Well now i know what being played is all about, the
question is will i be able to avoid it in the future,
Problaby not, but then i guess you learn by
living.......and for those who read my entries, i know at
times they seem really depressing, but this journal was
formed in mind as a way to release all my feelings and
emotions that keep bothering me, and most of the time when
i am done writing, i feel better becuase i was able to get
it off my chest......
actually today was a really good day...the weather outside
was extremely nice, and the pool was nice and cool.. i was
a little tired b/c last night baby heather spent the night
with me and it was an awesome feeling to have with me, and
to be with her when she woke up at two and at five thirty
this morning... I know it was bitch to lose the sleep, but
when she snuggled and went back to sleep on my chest, it
was magically.......Then today at the pool it was filled
with little kids who all look up to me...there is this one
boy who is hilarous, dustin, he is so skinny you would
think he would blow away in a stiff breeze....but he kept
following me from stand to stand, and then when it was my
turn to work the concession's stand, he was there waiting
to talk to me...I had asked him if i was his only friend,
and he told me that i that is something that
makes the day worth living...and out of all the other
lifeguards, i am the only one who can name every single
kid, and tell them about their likes and dislikes, b/c it
only takes a minute to get to know them, and it is sad that
some parents and other older adults don't take the time to
talk to their kids and learn what they are all
this isn't the first time that i have taken a kid who has
been left out and acts out in rage under my wing....

last year i met this little boy named micheal, who suffered
from fetal alcohol syndrome, add, and various other
things....when he is around you one on one, he seems just
to misunderstood, adn all he craves is love and
attention...i must admit that he has gotten along better
this year, playing with the other kids, and i am glad that
i was there for him last summer, you see when t hings got
tough between him and his grandparents i had him spend the
night with me on the farm, which is somethign he has never
done before...and it broke my heart to see the sad look in
his eyes, when he had to return home...but showing a little
love never killed anyone, and i will be damn if i am going
to the be first one to die from it...