Sare

Light
2002-06-17 17:51:48 (UTC)

Blackened Dagger

It's funny how things seem so simple but then you see the
true complexity. I thought I knew where I stood in the
world, I thought I knew...then I reilized I was in a fairy
tale. Things are so simple when you live in a shell, your
imagination and thoughts can fill that shell easily then,
it burst open with the first sign of pressure. You're
imagination and thoughts fly everywhere, confusion
returns. And then, the wave of the world comes back, I
suppose that Brett was my shield. I became confused and he
kept blocking the wave from me, like a river dam, but like
all dams, when they break the water comes crashing down.
That is just what happened when Brett left, everything came
crashing down on me. People expect me to love anyone who
is willing to throw themselves at me. I've been slightly
stronger latly but I don't think anyone cares, they just
pull and tug, as if it was a game. It's then I relieze
this shooting pain going up through my heart, I look down
and there it is...the dagger darkened with blood, tears and
anger. While I stumbled blindly down the "path of life."
I turned around and just saw pain. According to most
people, this is normal. That's even worse! If it's normal
then everyone must feel this death choking pain, why do
people question suicidal people if this is normal? They
should know what they feel! shouldn't they? Or maybe it's
not so normal afterall. Life usually comes in slowly, but
for the unlucky ones, it crashes, pulls at your heart until
you wish you didn't even have one. The word love starts to
sound foreign and being able to feel that word again seems
so far away. Just now, I've been pulling myself from the
wreckage, people call out to me, trying to soothe me but
they don't move. Anyone can say words, sometimes they may
be good words too but actions...saying things through
actions is stronger. They tell me "it'll be alright." but
remain motionless. They tell me "Don't dwell on it." but
they remain motionless. All I have right now IS my pain,
past and present, they only thing they give me is words
that taunt me...taunt me that I can't do anything. It
still hurts yet they say be strong, so I don't cry. It
still sways me yet they say ignore it, so I hold my head
high. And through all of this, I have not found one
comforting hand, they tell me that I can cry on their
shoulder, but they are NEVER...THERE! Where is the logic
and explaination? Will I ever know?




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