Realizations of a 24yr old convict
2002-06-17 10:05:53 (UTC)

w/o justifying

You know they say drugs are never as much fun after youve
been through recovery. The theory is that after youve seen
what the drugs do the mayham the distruction the loss all
of these things. And when you start to use again you can
see it all starting and you watch your self in the downward
spirial and I guess the trip just isnt as nuch fun....
I dont know about that.. this story isnt about the E that
started me rolling or the drinks oh and the coke that led
to more drinks and more coke and finally the bong hit that
led me to 15 hours of sleep in the most comfortable place
in the world thanks angie....
this is about me after all the self relization and all
the center of self I knew and me slipping into the sickness
not the drugs my friends but the attitude. it isnt
everywhere effecting every aspect just some the
relationships mainly and yes Im shure my love of this girl
has somthing to do with it. Maybe not though maybe the time
has just passed and maybe seening her just reminded me how
much we have to feel life. And how much is left out there
to feel. Fuck like now all the ones Ive passed are now in
the sights and the ones Ive slow played on Are right here
and its good its good to touch them and watch them as they
smile or smell them all unique in there own way. the
problem now has become the balance of trying not to hurt
them on the way out or the lack of caring on the way out
thats whats fucked. I dont like that I try not to fuck it
up but with time pressing and new ventures its hard to make
time for smells I know and kisses ive tasted....Its more
then this though that I see its the lack of reason and the
fact that the things Im doing dont seem wrong or even more
the fact I dont feel the need to justify them to myself.
Been cutting old ties not that there even that old but
friends Ive made here and moving on to new ones I like that
the evolution of life I guess.
more later Im fucking this up............