2002-06-17 06:46:47 (UTC)

Dear Dan....

well. i don't know if this is good or not. i sent him this


Ok what was going on at the Beach on Friday? Why was Kyle
doing that? Why were you like hovering (leaning is a better
word) on me when Sylv's friend was talking to us? That was
really wierd. You broke up with me, but you're gonna make
sure that I don't talk to anyone else either? That doesn't
make any sense to me at all. You dumped ME.
You know that I'm mad at you and that I don't want to talk
to you but apparently you don't know why. Well, look at how
you treated me when we were going out. I'm not mad at you
cuz you broke up with me. Once you did break up with me
though it gave me a chance to put things together. It turns
out that some of your friends don't like the way you
treated me either - so I know more about the shit you were
pulling on me than you think. Which makes me more angry
about the way you treated me in that last month and a half
or so, and mad at myself for taking it from you. I knew
that I shouldn't let you treat me the way you were but I
was all worried about you thinking that there was something
else, that there was something wrong and that was causing
you to treat me that way possibly and I thought if that was
the case then I shouldn't break up with you over something
you couldn't help. You seem a lot different than when I met
you. Maybe that's cuz you were putting it on to try to
impress me or something. I don't know. It's very strange.
You're a lot different than you were in February, that's
for sure. I thought something was up with you, something
not good. What made you change? Plus whenever I asked you
if there was something wrong between us (cuz something was
clearly wrong) you lied and said no. I've realized that you
did a lot of lying to me about a lot of things. I asked you
from the start to be honest with me. I was always honest
with you. It really pisses me off that you were so
adament "you believe me don't you?? I don't do that stuff
anymore. I don't." You made me feel badly for giving you
the impression that I didn't trust you (which I DID cuz i
also trusted that you wouldn't actually hold on to me,
look in my eyes and LIE). For you to have manipulated ME
into being the one who feels bad - that's just disgusting.
if you knew that my feelings about that that were going to
be a big problem, why'd you even ask me out?
My next question would be if you wanted to break up with
me, why couldn't you just do it? Why did it have to drag on
for weeks when you knew it was hurting me? I really haven't
cried like that in years as hard as I did when you were
acting like you'd rather do anything in the world than see
me or talk to me. It really hurt me. I guess you didn't
care much about that but you'd think at least that if you
didn't want me interfereing with you having fun and
annoying you anymore you'd just dump me. But you still
wanted to fool around with me when you did have to see me.
That makes me feel so awful knowing that the only interest
you had in me was that. I'm not a hooker - if I was I would
have sent you a bill for my services. The only thing I
expect is that the person cares about me and respects me
and I didn't get that. You knew that I care about YOU a
lot, and you took advantage of that. (even when you broke
up with me you told me that you think i'm pretty & are
attracted to me, you just don't like my personality.
thanks. thanks a lot.) And you know that I was sorta not
sure about stuff that we did - one thing specifically and
you know what i'm talking about - and to know that you were
gonna break up with me but did it anyways really hurts. I
wasn't sure about it. But I thought that you liked me and
cared about me and respected me, it was going to happen
eventually anyways so yeah it might as well be now. I was
wrong, and I feel stupid. I feel used.
So my last question is, knowing what i know (and what you
know , which is probably worse than what I know) about how
you treated me, why should I talk to you? My friends don't
treat me like that. You clearly don't have any respect for
me or my feelings. Should I be friends with you so things
aren't rough for you? Things were very very rough for me
for a long time when you and I were going out, but that
didn't matter. I was the only one getting hurt, I was the
only one crying. Being friends is what's best for you - but
I keep getting hurt. If you keep making me feel that way,
shouldn't I stop letting you do it? I'm not doing this to
hurt you. I'm doing this to save myself from being hurt
I haven't told you what it is your friend told me cuz I
don't want you to know who it is or what they told me. They
obviously had a conscience and I'm not going to rat them
out for it. (and NO it wasn't Dave - you guys seem to have
it out for him or something - he never said anything).
I have a lot of reasons to be very angry at you. Léanne
never told me anything about you asking why I was mad and
about how you really wanted to be friends till yesterday
(she avoids talking about you so that things don't get
worse i think) so that's why I never said anything Friday.
Plus I don't particularly feel like dealing with this while
one of us is drunk/high. And the stuff that happened there
that night did not work in your favour either.
so yeah. there it is. you wanted to know why i'm mad, and
that's why. And you know what, I don't particularly like
this not talking to each other thing either. I have 2 real
ex-boyfriends and I don't talk to either of them. That's
not a nice feeling. But when I get hurt over and over
again I have to make it stop somehow. I wish we could have
had a decent break up but I can't change the way you
treated me, and how it makes me feel. I don't know whether
you're gonna reply to this or not, but I figured at least
you should know why things are the way they are between us.