Eustasia

what my green eyes see
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2001-06-20 14:51:36 (UTC)

thoughts

Yesterday I was browsing all over Yahoo and landed
somewhere where people were talking about "surrendering"
that Gary Zukav talked about. I was reading "When you feel
like you're fighting your life instead of living
it...clinging to the past...afraid of the future...not
feeling what is in your heart...to put it simple, you feel
stuck." That is exactly what I feel! I feel stuck, and I am
not feeling what is in my heart. Gary also said "Pay
attention to what you are feeling. It is a sign. Do not
resist it. When you resist your feelings, you create your
own pain." A lot of times I felt like that my feelings
didn't matter and that I couldn't do anything about them.
And as a result I suppressed and resisted them. I was
feeling a lot of negative things, I had expressed them and
it didn't make things better for me. What I'm really
supposed to do is to not only acknowledge them but to also
do something about it, to empower ourselves, to take charge
of my life. Not to just sit idly and not really make
changes to free ourselves from the pain.

"When you find that you are suppressing your feelings and
are unable to move forward, you will start to say something
like, "yes, but it wasn't supposed to happen that way." 1.
stop what you are doing. 2. feel what you are resisting.
You will begin to take responsibility for your own life and
discover that in surrendering, you can move on."

That's pretty good. It made me really think deeply all
about that and what I had been doing with my feelings, my
responsibility for my life and accepting what is and move
on.


If we are feeling pain or if our spirit is being
diminished, we have to take responsibility for that pain
and do something about it. Physical pain is usually a sign
that something is wrong, that something is not right. It
needs to be addressed, given attention, to be listened and
changes in lifestyle need to be made in order to get rid of
the pain. Emotional pain is trying to tell you something
that something is not right in your life, in your
relationship, home, career, etc. It is a way of getting
your attention, "Hey, look at what you're feeling. This
isn't right for you. Listen to what I have to tell you and
then make a decision. If you don't do something about it,
I'll keep giving you pain until you finally surrender to
me." That's sort of the idea.

I really feel like that my spirit is being diminished. I'm
not proud of who I've become. I am not feeling like the
person that I am supposed to be. I feel like I get worse,
not being a great person to be around with. I don't really
feel my own light shining brightly, fully. My family has
noticed it. They know that there is so much more of me that
is not showing lately. I'm aware of it, too. I only have
myself to blame. I'm only responsible for what I let to
happen to me.

Of course I know that I really love her and that she does
for me. Love itself alone is not the basis for happiness.
It's a lot of other things too. Too often we don't do
anything about it because we say "I love her/him and won't
leave because of that."

Why do we do that? .....Courage..that is what we need. The
courage to do something about it. The courage to empower
ourselves.


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