Marisha,Terry's imag. friend

life, or something like it
2002-06-17 02:34:53 (UTC)

foolish?

everyone i know is telling me to forget about inon, and
never talk to him... and i dont do it... i can't let go...
and it isn't the case where i desperately want him back, i
don't, not when he is so far away anyways! but to forget
him completely? no... can't do that...
am i stupid to forgive him this soon? 2 days of talking
after 9 month of silence, was enough for me to tell him he
is wonderfull, and that i let go of all the pain that he
caused me... of course it is! but what can i do?? this isnt
me! i was always a freaking b***, who would fight over the
smalest things, but him... it's only him i can forgive... i
do not say that it will be like this forever, but he seamed
like he knew what he did wrong and he was hurting too...
why am i forgiving only him? i am a cruel person, ask
anyone i know, they will say i am, even my father, he says
it to me! how do i let go of this pain so easily? how does
that happen? i mean it nearly killed me... may be realising
that if i dont forgive him, i may lose him forever? i dont
know...
and it hurts me realising that him and yeal might break up,
and he loves her... and this somehow makes me think that
him and i may never be what we wanted to be... and i wish
we were... i wish that we get married some day, but that
dream is breaking down into pieces little by little... and
that makes me cry and i'm scared... scared that he is the most
wonderfull human being and i let go of him... i really
did... i wasnt even fighting for him, this is so ironic! as
if i had chances...
but that's besides the point... i dont think i love him
anymore, i do deep inside, and if i see him again the
feeling will be reborn, but for now it is waiting like a
sleeping beauty...
for now i just need people around me, people who wouldnt be
fake, people who would tell me everything, people who i
love and who love me... but for now most of them left, and
i miss them...
peace out, marianna




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