My Thoughts and Feelings
2002-06-16 23:21:58 (UTC)

It's been so long.

It's been so long since I've wrote. I never seem to have
the time (or privacy for that matter). So, I finally got
a break today. My life is so seriously screwed up. I am
23 and have no future as of now. I quit my old job (the
one in which I ended up almost sleeping with my boss, and
then starting a serious relationship with his assistant
while I'm still currently involved with someone). It's
such a mess! I just don't know what I want out of life
anymore. I thought I knew, but now I'm not so sure. I
was going to go to college (in which I should have been
already) for journalism, but then now I'm thinking
Psycology (you know help other people with their troubles
since I can't seem to handle my own). :) Anyway, that's
the school/future issue. That whole thing arised by my
2cd boyfriend (Matt) who said "their are so many people
out there with degree's why would you bother dating
someone that didn't have one." He has no room to talk
he's older than I am with no dgree, but has a better job
stature than I do. (he's the assistant of my last boss)
Let me tell you about my 1st boyfriend (Steve). He has no
job, and doesn't really need one. I have been with him
for 5 years and it's comfortable. There is a sense of
security that I don't feel with Matt. For one, Matt works
from sun up to sun down, and I mean that literally! We
get All day Tuesday and Saturday night, That's it. I
never see him any other days (occasionally, okay only
once, I made an early morning booty call, but he quickly
hurried me out after it was over). I love Matt, in the
area that I don't Steve. We have passion (most of the
time) and he's just so ..........I'm not sure, maybe it's
just the sex how do I know? With Steve, he's my pal, we
used to do everything together until Matt (which he knows
nothing of). It's just I HATE the sex thing with him, I'm
not at all attracted to him (I don't just mean looks,
because Steve rates higher than Matt in that category). I
feel lately that both relationships are slipping (I don't
feel, I know). I know Matt loves me, but I'm really
thinking of breaking it off with him. It's just so many
things with him that don't fit, except my feelings.
Anyway I've got to cut this entry short. I will try to
write more frequently. Until next time! :)