humming bird

its goodbye

i havent talked to jason in 2 weex. we're done for good. i
cant keep dealing with all of this, everything reminds me
of him and then i cry and it isnt what i need i mean this
is summer i am spoe to be having a good time not like
crying every two seconds. it's never gonna go away, i want
to just curl up in a lil ball and die i feel empty and
totally hopless, then only time i am ever happy is when im
fucked up and i hate that. butin like a week maybe im gonna
tell him to come get all the stuff that i have from when we
went out becuz i cant stand having it. i have all that but
i dont have him, it isnt fair. i know that i need to let go
of him and let go of the idea that me and him are ever
gonna be together again, he ws my first love and the guy i
lost my virginity to and it hurts to loose him, i wish he
just hadnt ever made me think that there was a possibility
that we were gonna be togehter again, but i gotta do what
i gotta do and i need to get over him, i dont have a clue
how but i know i am just gonna keep everyhting the way it
is, i'm not gonna tlak to him or call him or see him , i'm
basically thinking like him for a while, if he disappears
then so do my feelings for him. i think he was just using
me to get over mel..... lol hes no better then i am cuz i
used cos to get over him.oh well but im gonna go....by bye