Chelsea

amazing things
2002-06-16 16:15:05 (UTC)

parents suck

I don't fucking care ne more. what ever I do that makes me
happy pisses off my parents. so I don't care. I'm already in
deep shit I have already lost ne trust they had in me it
doesn't matter. I have got to face the facts. I won't be
happy if I continue to get so upset everytime they get angry
at me.
my dad found out that jimmy was at the concert w/ me & he is
pissed. but guess what?I DON'T CARE. there is nothing wrong
w/ making out w/ ur boyfriend. NOTHING!!! lol i wonder y I
get so upset. I am just making things worse for me & every
one I care about when I do. my parents aren't ready for me
to be me. simple as that. I have fucking lied to them about
who I am & what I do & how I feel they aren't ready for it.
shit. oh well. my dad is pissed cuz all the water drained
out of the hot tub.. but it was time to change the water ne
way so really I did him a favor.
My mom thinks I am fast & easy. she thinks I am a slut. that
bothers me. butI can't change what has already happened so
it doesn't matter. she thinks I'm gonna fuck w/ jimmy before
summer is over. but she is wrong. I would NEVER EVER far
that far w/ ne one. yet, not for a couple years at least.
she thinks I'm gonna get all kinds of horrible stds. but no.
I'm not. I'm not stupid like that. she thinks she is gonna
end upw/ me at the hospital having a baby. once againI'M NOT
THAT STUPID. she said "what ever happened to hoping ur b/f
will hold ur hand during a date?" ummm that doesn't happen.
thats unrealistic. for me at least. maybe for the occasional
girl thats how it is, but in the most case, I think, things
just don't move that slow.
if I am fast & if I am easy & if I am a slut.. at least I am
happy. that has been my goal for so long. to just be happy.
that is all I want. to be happy. to make others happy. to be
able to be happy w/ others. I guess maybe that isn't a great
goal. but, for me, its a big goal. oneI really have to work
at. and lately I've been able to achieve that. I'm not going
to let ne body get in the way of that. I know it sounds
greedy & selfish, but fuck, all I want is to be happy.
ya know what will make me not happy. If b/c of my parents or
because of my selfpitty I screw things up w/ jim. that would
suck. & it would be my fault.
well on a lighter note... today was fathers day... my dad
got indoor/outdoor speakers. wow amazing not really. my
grandparents are here & they are all playing bridge. thats
all they ever do. for hours. from 10 am until 4 am (yes that
early in the morning) they will play bridge. keeps my
parents out of my hair. studied for science today. there is
no way I'm passing w/ above a 90 on that thing. no way in
hell.
tata for now hon
Chelsea




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