i wish that i could find a way...
...to smash my fist right through these walls of ugliness
and emptiness and gently touch your face... desperately i try to
fight this overwhelming sense that i may never
have the strength to change how hopeless we've become"
fuck him. fuck him, and fuck me. i am so sick of his
shit and him not caring about me and pretending and leading
me on and sending mixed messages. i mean nothing to him.
im so just deflated and hurt right now that im not even
crying im just like whatever, he doesnt care about me...
im not calling him. he can call me or he can not.
back to where i left off earlier...i went to ericas and
chilled with her and dawn, then i went to work... work
wasnt so bad tonight. when i first got there, i saw
ameer! he just started. i talked to him for a bit and he
walked me to my desk - hehe sheila was like "So WHO are YOU
now" and he was being really nice and stuf hehe... then
kathy asked me do i want to be an activator and i said
sure. it sucks cus its less money probably but its more
dependable money, and i lose my callbacks but im giving
those good leads to sheila and shes guna give me money if
they buy hehe shes so cool. good things are its a change,
i might like it better, and it will hopefully at least keep
me interested in the job for a bit, i get to move my desk
right by mine now, so i sit right next to andrew and i can
maybe get to know him better and still by sheila, i get
to be on Jessicas team and shes mad cool... yeah... anyway
after work matt called and i picked him up from work, some
girl was giggling in the background cus he said he was
making out with her cus comments like that are oh so
mature, then we went to friendlys and i tried to talk to
him because i knew all this irritation between us was about
to blow up but he CANT talk he wont talk to me because he
doesnt care... he doesnt care... im default... the thing
is, ashley and i went for coffee this morning for 3 hours
because i wanted to be with her. not because i just wanted
to go out. i wanted to SLEEP at 10. but i met her at
waffle house because i wanted to chill with her. because
of her not because i needed any person to be with me.
thats the difference... fuck him... i hate this feeling, im
dying for him to call but i know he doesnt care and i need
to get over it... i just wish we could be happy together i
wish he cared about me as much as i do...
also i want to talk to his sister hehe ive been hoping she
would come online but no not yet at least... hehe... new friends=)
ashleys applying at my job!!=) i miss her... im sleepy...
im guna go to bed so i can stop thinking about Asshole... i
wish we could get along... we were doing so well... i guess
we just dont work...