16 June 2002, 1806
Now I know for sure that normal universe law does
not apply to me. Not where my life is concerned. While I
would willingly embrace death but death chooses to ignore
me. Instead life clings on to me like a limpet and refuses
to let go.
They say university life will be the best years of
your life. I beg to differ. I thought high school was bad.
The reluctance to go back to school after holidays now
seems like nothing. The reluctance now to go back to
university is ten-fold if not hundred-fold. I have really
hit rock bottom this time. When will I crack? My sanity is
hanging on a thin thread.
There is no more humanity left in this world. Why
can't I be left alone? Why do people have to be so mean?
All these questions... only one answer. Human nature. I am
ashamed to admitt I am part of the human race. Whatever
hope and beliefs in peace and humanity have to crushed,
squeezed and torn out of me. Humans are just plain evil.
Destroy the whole universe and there will not be a happier
person on earth than me.
Death will not take me, life continue to make fun
of me and twiddle me around. The heaviness persists and
will not go away. Many attempts I have tried. Plastic bags,
single loop and double loops. I didn't even come
close to unconsciousness.
Oh death, when will you accept me?
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