Lost and Searching
2002-06-16 05:19:36 (UTC)

Got Played

I never thought in my life i would be treated like those
people you watch in soap opera's........But hell i was
either living in a fantasy, b/c tonight it finally dawned
on me that I had been played........

I had kept telling myself, that heath was busy, and that i
had meant maybe a little something to him, you know even a
casual friend...but damn if i wasn't wrong......

He got the one thing that i had been great at saying no,
but one time i had let my guard down and he had slipped
through it....

I still don't know if all the rumors i hear are true or
not, about him being a player and such, but sometimes i
need to face the facts...and it took tony last night to
spell it out loud and clear for me...I gave something(but
had a great time doing it) and now the guy won't call me or
return phone calls.......

Damnit if that doesn't sting and hurt my pride......Here i
gave off the mood that I was a good girl who always said no
and never let things go to far........

I kinda feel now like some damaged goods, can any one tell
me if this feeling ever goes away.....

It's ironic, b/c there is Josh, who puts up with
everything, and still calls once a week to know when am i
going to see him....he even knows about heath, how he took
my virginity and that he is older...but i can't bring
myself yet to commit to josh.....

so last night it was the final straw, i got all hoed up and
looked damn cute only to find out that he was in town, but
never showed up, so that pissed me off, where i ended up
punching a guy, chewed out another girl, and became
incredibly drunk....
I wasn't for sure if my life could get worse, but damn
these problems really take my mind off the other