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2002-06-16 04:45:26 (UTC)

so im home. and alone. i have..

so im home. and alone. i have been neither of these for...a
long long time now.
i went to new orleans. it was so fucking amazing. i had
such a great time. it was so great.
im listening to leah andreone. long time for this too.
it feels weird being home. very weird.
so emily leaves for tampa in like ten days.
i have very mixed feelings about it.
so im chosing to stop thinking about it right now.
ive been doing really well with it actually.
i dont feel good.
i think i may be getting sick or something.
its probably just me being crazy.
being crazy makes you sick people.
uh huh.
i want to get drunk.
but im not going to.
drinking alone is pointless for me.
ill just start crying and hitting things.
my parents arent home.
i havent talked to them all day.
i never talk to them anymore.
i dont know what im going to do.
i cant stay here another year.
i dont even think i can stay here this night.
i dont work for the next two days.
that will be nice.


im not okay.

not right now.

playing this part.
im learning to be silent.
after all of these years.
i cant tell my feelings.
from rationalizing anymore.
i sold my emotions
for this foundatation.
how can i help but feel it give way?
how can i leave.
when you keep telling me to stay.
and what do i do.
theres nothing left for me to say.
to you.
ill just smile.
and walk away.